2-Headed Shark Attack (2012)

Sunday 16th March 2012 - Jack and Jill review: "if it isn't the worst film I see this year, something went terrible wrong".
Sunday 22nd April 2012 - Battleship review: "Something went terribly wrong. Oh God yeah! This film is WORST than Adam Sandler getting dressed in drag!"
Thursday 22nd November 2012 - 2-Headed Shark Attack review: SOMETHING ELSE WENT TERRIBLY WRONG!

My lord I did not think I'd be saying that again, even if it was an Asylum production. But this film! Anyway, here a Semester at Sea (On what appears to be a fishing boat, and the students haven't brought any clothes apart from bikinis on something that apparently takes, at least, weeks) are doing something, I don't know, they're studying tanning. However a dead shark somehow gets sucked into the propeller of the boat, rendering it useless. The blood from the shark however attracts the mutant two-headed shark, and it begins hunting these idiots down.

And boy, what a crappy looking shark it is. Seriously, most of the time when we see it, it looks so fake. It either looks like the shark is from a Playstation One video game, or it looks like it was made from clay. And that goes for the normal sharks as well. Hell, half the time the two-headed shark DOES look normal. Yeah, some of the time the shark appears with ONE head! Even when there's a valid excuse as to why the shark should have only one head and should have a big gaping hole, it just appears to be a normal one-headed shark.

I love how we can see here the shark's teeth bending. Particularly around the person they're suppose to be eating.

With that out of the way, the rest of the film is still crap! I could see the plot kind of working, but the problem is that the film feels padded and yet not padded at all. It doesn't take a breather for the audience to absorb what they just saw. And even if you do follow what it going on, most of the time when the action occurs, the film does the most awkward editing ever. It tends to cut to another shot, normally the students doing the worse scream acting possible, then back to the original shot but repeated. It wouldn't be so bad, but I swear these shots only last half a second, and the film cuts between them multiple times. I watched this film, had to rewind bits and pieces, and still felt I didn't understand what happened half the time.

The acting. What acting?! I suppose I can say that Brooke Hogan and Charlie O'Connell were better than average, but everyone else? Jesus Christ I have rarely seen worse acting. Whenever something bad happens, the students look like they didn't give a crap, Hell they look like they'd give a better reaction if they broke a nail. You know what? Every poster/DVD cover I've seen for this lists Carmen Electra as the top billing name, and yet this might as well be Where's Wally; just replaced Wally with Carmen and think of it as a movie version.

But really, this is bad even by Asylum standards. Awful acting, terrible effects, bizarre plot holes, bad plot, and the worse editing I've ever seen. It just seemed more of an excuse to see a whole bunch of girls in bikinis. And two girls make out a bit. There isn't much else to comment on because the film was just too confusing to follow besides the basic plot; a shark goes after people. Really, it's one of the worst films of 2012.