Spring Breakers (2013)

Okay, I think it's painfully obvious that I have had no experience with Spring break. It's an American thing, here in Britain we might go away during the summer holidays or half term, but not to the extent of Spring Break. My most recent experience was the 'Spring Break-Up' episode of 'American Dad!'. All I know is there's sun, fun, and booze.

So here we have 'Spring Breakers'. We follow Faith (Selena Gomez of recently broke up with Justin Bieber fame. Oh, and 'Hannah Montana'), Brit (Ashley Benson of 'Pretty Little Liars' fame), Candy (Vanessa Hudgens of 'High School Musical' fame), and Cotty (Rachel Korine). Sidenote - Rachel is married to the director and writer of this film, Harmony Korine; you could make a joke here that she slept with the director to get a part. Anyway, our four characters really want to go to spring break, but after saving up all year, they only saved $300. So, the solution? Rob a restaurant of course! The police soon catch up, but the four are bailed out by Alien (James Franco), a rap artist who has...another profession. What? It's not like the trailer didn't tell you anything I didn't.

I did not like this film.

The main problems are the character's. I cannot bring myself to like these selfish, moronic, conniving, self-centered, arrogant, egotistical, sex crazed, greedy bimbos. These four girls basically set the...image of women, I won't exactly say women rights, by a couple of centuries. Are they responsible? No. Are they independent? No. Are they respectful? No. How can I like these girls, when they terrorised innocent people, robbed them, and only so they can go party. Wanting to go away, that's fine. Wanting to go on a break, that's fine. Wanting to discover yourself is fine. But if you can't afford to go to Spring Break, how about you go somewhere cheaper? Why did you feel that scaring people to death was the best option available? Better yet, ask your bloody parents! Yeah, it's not like the girls hide the fact that they went on Spring Break, they actually do tell their parents! Guess what, when the film attempts to make us feel sorry for them, I'm sorry but I don't feel it. I'm glad something bad has happened to them, I'm glad they're now suffering.

Okay, in all fairness, Faith didn't actually go robbing people. But she still approves of what they did. In fact, the only characters I actually found likable where Alien and Archie (Gucci Mane), the morally corrupt characters of the film. Weird right? It's probably because we knew Alien was a drug dealer before we actually saw the film, and the second we saw Archie we knew he was bad. The girls are meant to be our protagonists, they're were meant to be reluctantly doing this, not "I'm on board". It also doesn't help that the girls only have two personalities; bland and bitch.

In all honesty though, Alien does have a certain charm to him. It wasn't actually until the film was coming to a close that I found that I was somewhat falling for his charm. Course by that point it was too late. Archie meanwhile...hmm. I'm, not actually sure why I liked him. Maybe it's because he actually brought something to the film, he brought some action, some drama to it. He made it feel like a proper crime genre film. Unlike the rest of the cast.

I do however think that James Franco is the main reason why I like Alien. It's one of his most bizarre performances, and yet it strangely fits. The rest of the cast though, for the most part and as implied earlier ("Wood and bitch"), are all wooden. Well, they're either wooden or unmemorable. I kept forgetting that Hudgens was in this until the last twenty minutes. Kind of like her role in 'Sucker Punch'. Gomez, I will say was pretty good and it is good to see her (As well as Hudgens and Benson) break out of their comfort zone and into something like this. Especially concerning the fact that the female cast basically only wear bikini's throughout the entire movie. Or as little clothing as possible. Even at a court hearing.

Now, for the most part, director Korine tried to tell the story in...a certain way. It tried to be unique, it tried to be artistic. It came off as pretentious. Sort of. I will say there were some pretty good sequences, in fact my favourite bit in the film was Britney Spears' song 'Everytime'. But even then, they effectively played the WHOLE song. This is a film not a music video! It's not the only Britney Spears song either, the four girls also sang 'Baby One More Time'. Either Britney was paid a fair bit to allow this film to have those songs in it, or Britney paid a lot so the film would play them.

Sorry, I got distracted. The pretentious parts however, were the repeating of dialogue and scenes; albeit from a different angle. I kid you not one bit was repeated at least three times, if not more. It certainly felt like more. And every five seconds the sound of a gun cocking would echo, foreshadowing the fact that there are guns in this.Fact is, I have seen films which tell a story in a different way, but actually succeed in doing so, 'City of God' for one. For the most part though the film drags on with virtually nothing actually happening. There is no real progress. The payoff is something that the characters should have known right from the start.

Unless that was the point. The girls go to spring break because they're sick of their ordinary lives. The thing is, doing spring break forever IS dull, it will be boring. Oh, and here's a major spoiler which I'm pretty sure the film doesn't want you to know beforehand; the female gender have breasts.

So, yeah. I did not like it. Only James Franco put effort into his acting, though not enough to save the film, the story virtually goes nowhere, the pace is irritating, the characters are either bland or infuriating, I just didn't like this film. If you can get through the artistic nature of the pace, then maybe you'll like it. But, I recommend that you skip it.

For now, I leave you with my favourite song of the film.