But here we go, the worst film of 2012.
Okay, I lied, there is a film on here which you could argue doesn't deserve to be here. But let's be honest, while it isn't really a bad movie, it isn't really good either. Yes, there was some bits I liked, but the film also does many things that you should hate.
It alienates its old fans from the previous films by getting rid of the first person perspective, the acting isn't that great, it stuffs the religious aspects down your throat, and even if you put all that aside, this film is just there. There isn't anything which really stands out, there isn't anything you can truly hate, the film and everything in it is just there. It's like the quiet kid in the classroom, you really only notice the child if the kid makes a noise.
Okay, another film you could argue shouldn't be here, and I'd agree with you, if the things in this film haven't already been done. Seriously, every single scare in this film is predictable, even the fake-out could be seen a mile away. From the creator of 'Paranormal Activity', who managed to make a horror film terrify audiences all over the globe, you expect more.
The characters meanwhile are so stupid they'd leave one of their most vulnerable people alone to be picked off with ease, the film has a disorientating cameraman for no real reason, the ending twist, whilst it does get the audience talking, it doesn't make sense. This film, is just bland.
The sequel to remake 'Clash of the Titans' was certainly better than its predecessor, but that's really not saying much. Firstly the writers wrote themselves into a pickle when the first film stated that Zeus and Hades used the Kraken to defeat Kronos, the main villain. With the Kraken out of the picture, they decided to create a superweapon made from Zeus' lightning bolt, Poseidon's trident, and Hades' pitchfork; something he didn't have in the first film.
But with that plot point out of the way, it still sucks. The plot is driven simply by carnage, the effects are no better than the last film's crap, the dialogue is normally forced or wooden or stupid, the acting is mediocre at best, some bizarre character U-turns, and most of the characters are as bland as a blank sheet of paper.
A film I certainly do feel that should have done better, with the effort you can clearly see that Michael Bassett put into reconnecting the film adaptations with the games. The problem is that it contradicts the rules set by the first film, and results in the film being one big confusing mess. Not that the first film was a good adaptation of the games mind you.
With that aside, the film is just a long and winding bore. The acting, again, is mediocre at best. The scary, dark atmosphere is replaced by pure action. Sean Bean appears to have no idea why he's there. There are some good bits, but it's not enough to save this film from being one of the worse this year has to offer.
Oh boy, were to start? Oh, I know, how about by TURNING ON THE GODDAMN LIGHTS! I'm sure you remember that being my main concern from my review of it. I couldn't tell what was going on most of the time because it was so bloody dark. Yes the lights come on later in the film, but it would have been so much better if I was able to see the women take off their clothes.
Add the awful acting, the poor dialogue, bland characters, terrible direction, and the fact that zombies don't talk(!). Oh yeah, the fact that there's virtually little to no effects is good, and it's certainly a great film to watch with others over drinks purely to make fun of it, but it is still an awful, awful movie.
This film is boring! Plain and simple! At least the other awful Resident Evil films were watchable, this one was just pure and utter crap! The idea of Jovovich being an invincible, God-like fighter got old real quick in 'Resident Evil: Apocalypse', so can you imagine what it's like now that the film has reached stage five of its master plan?
The film appears to be trying to mix the few good bits from the previous films, what little there is, but failing to capitalise on it. Hell, it only succeeds in ruining the few good bits from the previous films. I'm not sure if I can enjoy the Red Queen from saying "You're all going to die down here" again. Then again the first 'Resident Evil' film is the only one to show anything good. This film was boring and confusing from beginning to end.
Wow this film was weird. And dull. Very, very dull. A film so bad it put me off Ali Bastian. One of the many verses films I've reviewed this year, and the only one to not feature zombies, this was one that proved to be such a disappointment since I, for some reason, had such high hopes for it.
Filled with soap drama acting, this film has virtually nothing going for it. It tries to act new and fresh, but it comes off so dull and lost that you could go away for an hour, come back and find the film is just about to find the plot. And this film has Robert Englund in it, and it STILL wasn't any good. Then again it doesn't help to somehow gain an actor of such caliber like Robert Englund, and then give him virtually no screen time. Bad movie! Very bad movie!
Like 'The Muppets', I don't care if this film came out in America in 2011, it came out here in the UK in 2012. I bet it was still crap a year ago too. This was the film that persuaded me to put up the Adam Sandler drinking game. I wonder if it's any good.
But you all know how I feel about this film, how it was deprived of anything remotely funny, how the acting was half arsed, how it has a child actor so bad that the two kids (from '28 Weeks Later') who effectively wiped out half the planet are better characters. You all know how I said that this film will be the worse (that the UK in) 2012 will see. And yet it's number three.
Even as an Asylum film I thought this would be better. The only real (good) highlight in this film is Carmen Electra in a bikini. Apart from that, despite being the top billed actress on the posters, she hardly features in the film itself.
This two-headed shark is so strong it can headbutt an island into sinking, and yet it can't capsize a boat and make the film shorter. Continuity is deemed pointless, the plot is nonexistent at times, easily injured characters, stupid and unlikable characters I might add, and some plot holes which truly boggle the mind. Again, this just seemed to have been an excuse to get girls in bikinis, and for two of the girls to make out. Why am I complaining?
THIS FILM IS FU*KING SHITE! It is rare for a film to infuriate me so God damn much, and yet this film manage to do so so efficiently, so precise. My hatred for this film was so severe, that it caused me to write what is quite possibly my longest review (I'm not going to compare it to my others), mainly spouting pure unadulterated anguish towards this film. My hatred for this film even boiled over into some of my other reviews.
Everything was bad with this film, the effects were fake, the story is crap, the dialogue is crap, the characters were infuriating, the acting was horrendous (Yes, I'm looking at you Rihanna and Gadson), and the film is littered with bits so stupid it insults anyone and everyone's intelligence. Just by typing up this short summary I am becoming increasingly enraged, that's how bad this piece of infuriating, horrendous, piece of shit truly was.
And those were my worst films of 2012, and boy it can't get worse than 'Battleship' can it? I can't wait to see what 2013 will bring us.
Oh yeah. That.
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