2012 (2009)

Happy Apocalypse Day everyone! Of course if you're reading this then the world hasn't ended. The machines haven't taken over, the sun hasn't scorched the planet, zombies haven't risen, the event hasn't occurred, the...land hasn't...broken into squares and fallen into the ocean.

Yeah, it's no surprise I'm going over this is it? Here we follow Jackson Curtis (John Cusack) who tries to save his family, and his ex-wife's (Amanda Peet) boyfriend Gordon (Thomas McArthy) from the impending Apocalypse. We also follow some Government figures, including the US President Wilson's (Danny Glover) Chief of Staff Carl Anheuser (Oliver Platt) and Dr. Adrian Helmsley (Chiwetel Ejiofor) who tries to keep the moral high ground.

There will be spoilers. I hope that since this film came out three years ago, everyone has seen it. Otherwise, turn back now.

Firstly, the story does have potential, if it was handled the right way. The problem is that while the story does have its good bits, the film tries to drive us against it, or go for the immoral choice. You can't save everyone, not when the world is coming to an end, but yes the morally right choice is to not lose our humanity. But when doing that results in consequences, you need to think about it.

But then again, this film teaches us that everything will be alright in the end due to plot convenience, or a wizard, or whatever. Seriously this film is filled with every cliche in the book and science has been thrown out the window. Why does the land break up into squares before going into the ocean? Why aren't planes brought down by ash clouds? Why, why, why?

The characters, they do tend to be bland, very very bland. Again, they tend to be so cliche, like Jackson not having a good relationship with his son (Liam James), Hell, it's such a cliche, the film uses it two more times! With Adrian and his father (Blu Mankuma) as well as Tony Delgatto (George Segal) and his son (Who only appears for a minute). But a majority of the others are just so bland they're forgettable. Heck, they was a family who contacted Adrian to tell him that they weren't picked up and about to die, and I just thought "Who are you?".

Then there's the unlikable characters, like Yuri (Zlakto Buric) who only cares about himself. He does show he cares about his kids (Alexandre and Philippe Haussmann), which is A: Too late, and B: They're unlikable as well. When one of them says "We will live and you will die", I couldn't help but think "I hope your plane suffers an electrical fault and falls out of the sky".

Bizarrely a character you should hate, you end up agreeing with, Anheuser is obviously more about the money than humanity, and yet, he's the one who ends up right in most circumstances, at least his decision wouldn't have put the ship at risk. Then there's weirdo Charlie (Woody Harrelson) who is so eccentric you can't not enjoy him. There's also Sasha (Johann Urb) who is willing to sacrifice himself to save everyone else, and President Wilson, simply because he's played by Danny Glover. There's also Gordon, who we're suppose to hate simply because he's Jackson's rival, but there actually is no reason to hate him. Even more bizarrely is that as the film continues, I actually started to care about the characters, even the bland ones.

Not only that, but this film seems to have a knack for killing off likable characters, with the exception of Anheuser. Charlie, Sasha, President Wilson, Gordon, all end up kicking the bucket. Maybe that's why I started liking more and more characters, because I was hoping they would die next.

Then there's the acting. Cusack, Harrelson, Platt, and Ejiofer all gave better performances than this film deserves. Glover must have thought "Meh, I've only got five minutes screen time, I don't care". Thandie Newton, now she is a 50-50 type of actress, half the time she gives a great performance, the other half she seems bored out of her skull, she's the latter in this. Everyone else, meh.

Now, I have been doing this blog for seventeen months now, you know how I feel about CGI. You know I am not a fan of it. This film is a prime example why. The disasters don't look real, they look like they came out of a video game. I do admit though, I do like the L.A disaster scene where the Curtis' and Gordon escape said disaster. The problem is the film pretty much constantly repeats this scene throughout the movie.

When this film came out, it was just God awful, the story was stupid, the acting was less than adequate at best, the CGI looks crap, and the characters are forgettable. Of course now that the world's ending hasn't happened, you can now watch the film and laugh at how stupid it is. It is one of those films where you can put it on with friends and have an enjoyable night watching bad films. Still awful though.


Also, are you still looking for last minute Christmas present? Then how about Burning Secrets? Written by my friend Rebecca Sturdgess, this first part of 'The Burnwick Series' tells the story of Nadia Stewarts, who is forced to live with her Aunt Denise while her father goes off to investigate some threat. Unfortunately the village of Burnwick isn't as safe as everyone thought.
Here's the link

http://www.lulu.com/shop/r-l-sturdgess/burning-secrets/paperback/product-20580235.html

She is looking for reviews, so you can probably expect one from me, most likely in the new year. But from what I've read so far, it is good.