I've been feeling down today. I won't go into specifics (Dear lord that would be depressing), but I will say that it's that feeling where no matter what you do, you can't change a God damn thing. And so, I decided that I was in the mood for a comedy. I wanted to watch something which would make me laugh out loud, one that I could enjoy for years to come.
Instead I watched this.
I don't know where to start here. How about the plot. Look at the title of this film. If you don't know what the plot is from the self explanatory title, then what is wrong with you? We follow Andy (Bryan Callen), a forty year old (That's right FORTY), also goes by Biscuit some of the time, who is trying to lose his virginity. It fails miserably with Sarah (Mircea Monroe), who is instead...impregnated by Blaqguy (Terrell Ransom Jr., Marque Richardson, Neil Lewis, Duane R. Shepard Sr., and J.R. Starr). Because Sarah can't tell the difference between voices or hear the fact that two people are fighting, she believes Andy did the deed. Andy, feeling bad but not about Sarah, goes to Maui, Hawaii where he meets Kim (Noureen DeWulf), the girl he was chatting up earlier in the film. So yes, every single part of this film's title is a God damn lie.
The main thing about this film is that it's a comedy. And by God does it fail on so many levels. The first time I watched this was with the Curator of Movie Vault 666 and...Tom, and we tend to talk during films (We try to have subtitles on so we still know what's going on), we tend to talk about the film and what it's good and bad merits are. The first half hour (Boy it felt longer) there was silence. This film effectively shut down our brains, we just stared at the television screen and didn't utter a single sound. In fact, the moment when we started to function again was when I managed to muster up two words to this film; "F**k you".
Back to my point, I mentioned in my 'Jack and Jill' review back in March that no-one laughed at that film when myself and the Whalley saw it. Compared to this film, 'Jack and Jill' was a bloody masterpiece. Literally almost every single joke in this film is a carbon copy of a joke from another film, maybe with some slight word changes. Do you want to know why films like 'Scary Movie', 'Top Secret!', 'Spaceballs', and 'Murder by Death' are funny? Because they actually take the mick out of the films they're spoofing. They make their own jokes, they actually put some effort into making their film funny. Taking 'joke' from Film A and putting it into Film B is, surprisingly, NOT FUNNY. It's effectively the same as repeating the same joke over and over again. In fact, one joke they did effectively steal from 'Scary Movie'!
This film is offensive to white people, black people, Mexicans, Asians, Jews, people from the Balkans, Indians, police officers, blind people, males, females, teenagers, adults, pensioners, Twilight (Yeah, even that franchise doesn't deserve to be spoofed and ridiculed by this), Star Wars, Grand Theft Auto, Pussycat Dolls, Dr. Phil fart jokes, sex jokes, actors, actresses, basically the human race in general. And not in the South Park kind of way where it's actually funny.
And then when this film attempts its own jokes, they fall completely flat. In fact, this is one of those films where finding swearing funny would be an advantage. Or if you still find sex jokes funny. It would have actually helped if this film had one of those electric signs (I can't remember what they're called) to tell the audience when to laugh, then we could at least deliver a fake laugh.
The acting...to be honest they did give the best they could given the awful script. Or maybe I'm just looking past the acting and looking straight at the characters who I want dead. The Seth Rogen character is actually called Seth for God's sake, they're that original! Seriously I want a car to hit them (Yes, they steal that joke from 'Scary Movie' as well), I want someone to shoot them, I want someone to stab them, I hated these bland, cheap, carbon copied characters. And this happens, and yet they somehow keep coming back! Except for one moment, that was fun.
You know what, I'm basically finishing here. To continue means that I put more effort into this review than the film makers did on this film. The effects are crap (In one case literally), the jokes are *shudder* unmentionable, the characters are unmemorable, everything is wrong with this God damn film. In fact, I directly blame this film for putting me off the originals. I no longer like 'Superbad', I barely watch 'Knocked Up' or 'The 40 Year Old Virgin'...I never watched 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall'. There is really no reason why you should watch this film. It really is just pure crap.
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