You
know what has become an everyday occurrence in our lives? Something that most
people come across every day, either in their homes or outside. Adverts. Sure
inventions like Sky Plus or Virgin Media popularised the live recording
function which enables people to fast forward through those pesky adverts, but
in all honesty, I don’t mind them. Sure I wouldn’t miss them if I did fast
forward through an advert break, but the advert break allows the viewer to take
a minute to absorb what they just watched. Also product placement.
But
while you get your good adverts, you get your share of bad adverts, and that’s
what I’m looking at here. Just TV adverts mind you, I think most posters are
just segments of the television advert anyway.
Whatever
the case, here’s the top ten worst adverts I have come across.
10. We buy any
car.com – Webuyanycar.com
Do
I really need to explain why this advert is bad? Okay, admittedly, the advert wasn’t that bad
at first. The tune was catchy, the dancing was pretty good, and the newsreader
was bearable.
And
then we heard it for the second time. Then the third. And the fourth. And that
catchy tune is now starting to annoy people. That newsreader is becoming
obnoxious and the dancing is getting pretentious.
Yeah
the main problem was repetition, it’s just not a good advert to watch on
multiple occasions. As you see it more and more, you see how bad it really is,
at how corny and irritating the whole thing is.
That,
and the Office of Fair Trading found that some of the company’s practices were
misleading.
9. Any Vanish
commercial with the pink shirt lady – Vanish
How
can I start this off? Firstly, any acting you see is awful. Yeah, I can really
believe you’re really distraught at having that one stain on the one top. I
guess that and the one she’s wearing are the only tops she has.
But
then a Vanish lady suddenly appears. While the first woman should be yelling
“Who the Hell are you?”, “Get out of my house!” and, in one advert, “Oh God
please put down my child, I’ll do whatever you want,”, she appears happy that
this random woman has just broken into her house and is telling her how to
clean her clothes in a way that no-one cleans them. Well when was the last time
you put your shirts into fish tanks?
This
whole advert relies on the fact that the Vanish woman breaks into people’s
houses and tells them how to do things.
8. Gadget Master
- Ford
Straight
away I hated this advert. I don’t like the song, I hate the tune, I didn’t like
the animation, and it just seems really stupid to me. And the fact that the
videos on the thatguywiththeglasses site kept playing this advert every single
time for a while didn’t help.
Why
is a 2D animation hanging out with a Muppet? Yes it’s nitpicking, but still.
Then it’s just the whole ‘Gadget Master’ thing, who would have all this stuff
in their car? Okay, a Gadget Master, but that’s not the point! I mean, a “gadget
that makes pasta”? First of all, why does this gadget disappear? Can it shrink?
Does it have a cloaking device? And worst of all, it’s been put on the roof,
not only will this block the windscreen, but it’ll go onto what is most likely
a dirty car then a dirty floor.
Then
there’s the “can you do this?”, in which the person with the normal car next to
the Gadget Master, simply connects her phone to her car via Bluetooth. Let’s be
honest, he’s the Gadget Master, he has a hands-free phone, he has a gadget that
makes pasta, I’m pretty sure he has Bluetooth.
Of
course that’s if you care if the Bluetooth can link with the car in the first
place. Me? I have CDs, radio or my iPod to link up to it. But then again, I am
the kind of guy who likes to keep his phone and iPod separate.
7. Duffy Advert
– Diet Coke
I
am not a fan of Duffy’s singing, okay, she’s a chipmunk. I’m surprised Duffy
released a single, let alone two albums and becoming popular enough to appear
in a TV advert. Then again I guess people did see this as only two of the six
singles released from her first album were big successes, while the second
album only released one single. Even Rebecca Black released four singles.
Moving
on from my hatred of Duffy...okay I can’t. Her voice is the main reason why I
hate this thing! It’s so irritating! Everything is off! Tone! Pitch! Her helium
voice!
Moving
on though, it starts off with her at a concert, having a mini break. First of
all, water is much better than a diet coke to cool off and relax your throat.
Secondly, Duffy sees a bike and, knowing that she has fans (Somehow) waiting
for her to come back on and continue her concert, she decides to go for a bike
ride. Not only does this show how bad security is at protecting her, it shows
what Duffy thinks of her fans; important enough to ignore and disappear for a
bit.
Then,
she bizarrely decides to ride her bike through a supermarket. WHY?! Why didn’t
security grab her? Or are people allowed to ride their bikes in the supermarket
now?
I’m
not even sure how this is an advert. The product in question only appears for
about seven seconds in this advert which runs for one minute! I thought Diet
Coke was just meant to be a great tasting drink with no sugar, why does it make
Duffy go for a random bike ride?
Oh
yeah, the adverts bad, and it’s pretty much the reason why Duffy’s career died.
6. WAG Advert –
Pot Noodle
Oh
God this advert. I just don’t get it. Okay, that’s a lie, I can kind of see it.
The whole tagline is “why try harder”, which was shown effectively since the
main character is a spoilt cow.
The
main problem? The spoilt WAG, is a guy. A guy dressed in drag. Is that meant to
be funny? I mean, he’s got a full grown beard so I guess it’s suppose to be
funny, but what’s the joke? That it’s a guy playing a woman? Yeah, that was
funny back in.......never.
And
that’s the thing with this advert, it’s trying to be funny, but it isn’t. WAG
says s/he’s going for a swim, but is being pushed by someone. Ok that’s not
funny. Spray tan...why would I want to look at a fat guy’s arse? Aerobics, blow
dry, jacuzzi, treadmill to the front door, those things aren’t funny!
This
unfunny advert is just painful to watch. Why try harder? Because you’ll end up
with this rubbish.
5. The Wolf is
Murdered – The Guardian
I’m
probably biased against this advert straight away because I don’t like the
Guardian newspaper. That whole strict left wing persona which thinks they
should run the country. But that’s just me.
The
thing with this advert, is it’s stupid. Okay, the fairy tale bit where the
three little pigs killed the big bad wolf in self defence was a nice little
touch, albeit not realistic, and it shows how social interaction has pretty
much become the norm in modern life. But when you think about it, this
newspaper is calling the general public stupid morons.
Firstly
we see a cauldron, then the Guardian website saying that the wolf has been
boiled alive. The three pigs are arrested, and the public get on the pigs side
with the whole “protect your home against burglars (Or in this case a
demolisher)” scenario. Now, I’m all up for protecting my home from an intruder,
it’s self defence. The thing that people here have forgotten though, is that
the wolf was BOILED ALIVE. That’s not self defence! That’s murder!
It
then turned out the wolf had asthma, so he couldn’t have been able to blow down
houses. So why did some people on Twitter say that he did? Where was the
wreckage? Where was the rubble? And if the pigs blew it up, surely inspectors
would notice that the house wasn’t blown down.
It
then turns out that the pigs killed the wolf to frame him for insurance fraud,
because they couldn’t afford to pay their mortgage because the rates were too
high. Well, now that surely must make a difference. Not only did the pigs kill
the wolf in a most painful way, the wolf was INNOCENT! Well, surely the public
must now see the evil inside these pigs.
OF
COURSE NOT! People are now saying how they sympathise
with the pigs and how they’re either behind on their repayments or how they’ve
lost everything (Except a computer and internet broadband otherwise they
couldn’t put that post on Twitter). Then there’s public outrage because
mortgage defaults are soaring. So, what the Guardian is saying is, is that
getting behind on mortgage repayments, is a morally good excuse for MURDER!
And
THEN, the people RIOT! Well done Guardian! You just said that the British
public approve of murderers, as long as they’re in the same situation! Doesn’t
anyone else see that the Guardian is insulting you? That they’re calling you
idiots? Can you see why I don’t like this advert?
Still, at least it's not the Daily Mirror
Still, at least it's not the Daily Mirror
4. Poo at Paul’s
- Glade
Okay,
the last six adverts, you can say are marmite; you either love them, or hate
them. We’re now getting into the ones universally hated. Our next one, oh boy.
Where
does this film suck? Is it the fact that the mother and child are either really
bad at acting, or they’re really badly dubbed? The kid is definitely dubbed. Is
it that the kid needs to be slapped across the face for his behaviour? Is it
that the lines of dialogue for this rubbish are complete and utter crap? Is it
that no-one, especially a kid, talks like that? Is it the fact that Paul will
feel that his “friend” is using him for his toilet?
Or
is it just crap?
3. Frosties Kid
- Frosties
Ah
this advert, the one where the kid was so despised for his part, that people
spread rumours that he killed himself from all the bullying.
Someone
did actually put together a pretty good video analysing the advert, pointing
out some of the fundamental flaws, such as who the Hell eats Frosties on a “plate”,
pronouncing pirate as “pie-rate” so it can rhyme with the previous line, asking
why there’s a bloke in a crate, and pondering why the guy is floating upwards
into the sky at the end. It also asks who the Hell lives in the Empire State.
In all fairness New York is known to sometimes be called the Empire State, but
then again the advert seems to insinuate that it meant the Empire State
Building, which is an office complex.
But
it misses so many other questions, such as what’s the point of having a
breakfast machine right next to your bed which not only wakes you up but pours
your Frosties into a bowl, when you’re going to ignore it and go to the kitchen?
Who takes cereal on a date? What does it matter if you live in Australia? And
why was there a random pirate?
But
there are so many other problems with this advert. The lines are awful, some of
which (As you’ve guessed) don’t make sense, the guy is obviously dubbed, the
guy himself has a huge grin that makes him look obnoxious and comes off
pretentious, and the whole thing just reeks of corniness.
The
kid didn’t kill himself, and I will not wish that he did, no matter how much I
hate this advert. But if I was him I’d distance myself away from this advert,
as far away as possible......hmm, maybe that's what he was doing at the end.
2.Super Mix -
Haribo
.......Oh
dear God. I remember some really good adverts from Haribo from when I was a
kid, so imagine my horror when this first came on our television screens, what,
two years ago I think it was?
You’d
think it was going to have a good old family sing along, mainly because of the
tune, the tune isn’t a problem. It gets you in the mood. And then the kid opens
his mouth. And then his sister, then the parents join in.
Oh
dear God they’re horrible! Did anyone actually listen to them before they sung?
Especially the kids! At least get someone who can actually sing for your
singing advert Haribo!
And
then there’s the actual lyrics. “Oh, so smooth”, “Love them soft”, why? Okay, I
never really thought of Haribo sweets being smooth, it never really crossed my
mind when eating them. Then “love them soft?”...why? I mean, of course Haribo
sweets are soft, aren’t most sweet? Then the dad sings “Squidgy! Squidgy baby!”
in relation to a jelly baby. WHY?! Who the Hell sings that?! Heck! Who the Hell
says that in normal conversation?! You know what, you can’t even save
yourselves by turning down the volume, because the advert provides SUBTITLES!
Apparently you can’t escape this even if your deaf.
Who
on Earth thought that this crappy singing family, singing this crappy song,
would be a catchy tune worthy of people wanting to sing along?
Well,
at least it can’t get any worse right?
1. Naturally
Juicy – Orangina
...............................What
the Hell is wrong with you?!
I
saw this advert randomly while I was in France a few years ago, and...my God
what is wrong with these people?!
The
animals acting as humans, but...everything else. The strip club scenario, the
inter-species relationships which act against God, the animals wearing skimpy
clothes, the lizard wrapping its tongue around his partners body, the octopus
woman squeezing oranges where her breasts should be, the panda being stripped
of her bathing suit so that she’s naked...everything about this is wrong!
But
most of all, this advert...sexualises...animals. The animals having breasts,
wearing skimpy clothing, acting sexy...THEY’RE ANIMALS! Who the Hell would find
an animal sexy?! Why would I find this appealing?! Who the Hell thought this
was a good idea?! Basically go see the Nostalgia Critic’s rant against Lola in
the ‘Space Jam’ review.
This
is the most disturbing advert I have ever seen, and one that has haunted my
memories since.
And
those were the worst adverts I have seen so far in my life. And by God they
were awful, but at least they can’t get worse than pole dancing animals right?
Right?...Right?
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