Top Ten Unintentional Jerks

Now, I was going to do a top ten Disney Villain songs, because I went on a bit of a Disney binge last weekend. The problem was, as I started writing about song number six, I started to think there really wasn't much point, seeing as how most of the songs have been on other peoples lists, and things have already been talked about on them. There really isn't much for me to add. But here's the list anyway.

10. Savages - Pocahontas
9. The Plagues - The Prince of Egypt
8. Shiver My Timbers/Professional Pirate - Muppet Treasure Island
7. Friends on the Other Side - The Princess and the Frog
6. Poor Unfortunate Souls - The Little Mermaid
5. My Lullaby - The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride
4. In the Dark of the Night - Anastacia
3. Hellfire - The Hunchback of Notre Dam
2. The Mob Song - Beaty and the Beast
1. Be Prepared - The Lion King

Now that's out of the way, let's go on to the unintentional jerks. These are the people we're supposed to feel sympathy, compassion, or just simply like and yet they do the weirdest things which actually make it hard to do. Confused? Well I'm sure you'll get the gist of what I'm doing as you read on. So let's start this off.

10. Glinda the Good Witch - The Wizard of Oz

Oh yeah, I'm starting off with this character. Why? Well, it's simple. Dorothy (Judy Garland) wants to go home, however she has just killed the Wicked Witch of the East and her sister, the Wicked Witch of the West (Margaret Hamilton), is not happy. Glinda, one of the two good Witch sisters, saves Dorothy (For now) and tells her that only the great and powerful Wizard of Oz knows how to get her home.

And so Dorothy goes on a long journey, meeting the Scarecrow (Ray Bolger), Tin Man (Jack Haley), and the Cowardly Lion (Bert Lahr), almost put to sleep by a poppy field, attacked by Flying Monkeys, and almost killed by the Wicked Witch of the West. After all that, Gilda turns up and tells Dorothy that all she needs to do is click her heels, while wearing the ruby slippers she got from the Witch of the East. Which means Dorothy risked her life FOR NOTHING. Oh yeah, there wouldn't have been a story, Dorothy wouldn't have learnt a lesson, but she did risk her life when all Glinda had to say was "click your heels three times" in Munchkinland.

Oh and the fact that Glinda says bad witches are ugly and then asks Dorothy is she's a good witch OR a bad witch.

9. Dr Nefario - Despicable Me 1&2

And it's not because he's voiced by Russell Brand! No, seriously I don't find him funny at all. The only time I do find him funny, is when he hasn't scripted the jokes.

But anyway. In 'Despicable Me', he sees quite clearly that having Margo (Miranda Cosgrove), Edith (Dana Gaier) and Agnes (Elsie Fisher) is actually doing Gru (Steve Carrell) some good, so what does he do? He calls the orphanage so they can take the children away so Gru can concentrate on stealing the moon. Oh yeah, Dr Nefario is a sidekick to a villain so that makes him bad, but that's still a dick move. It's not like the moon won't be there the next night. So it won't

 be in optimum position, so what? And that's when he's NOT experimenting on the Minions.

Well, it's not like he can do worse...oh wait, he does. In 'Despicable Me 2' he helps the villain El Macho (Benjamin Bratt) kidnap those cute little Minions and turn them into blue skinned killing machines. And then he turns on El Macho saying he won't help him hurt Gru and the others because they're "family"? Oh yeah, I'm sure the Minions will completely understand that.

Oh wait, THEY DO. For some reason!

8. Peter Pevensie - The Chronicles of Narnia

You really have no idea how much of a dick Peter (William Moseley) is. I mean, generally it's being a dick to his brother Edmund (Skander Keynes) by constantly putting him down. Hell, one of the moments is learning that Edmund lied when he said he and Lucy (Georgie Henley) went to Narnia, and yet, here's the thing, if Edmund DID say they went, would you have believed him? Because apparently the doorway through the wardrobe doesn't work if you're looking for it. Which doesn't explain how they found it again but that's not the point.

And then comes 'Prince Caspian', where he thinks he knows better than everyone else. Therefore he devises a plan where he'll lead Prince Caspian's (Ben Barnes) forces against a fortress that has never been taken, then gets into a fit when it falls apart and a big chunk of their army is killed. Sure, Caspian has to take some responsibility for running off and confronting his uncle, but all Peter had to do was open the gates so the Narnian army could get in before the guards are alerted.

I do enjoy the Chronicles of Narnia, despite its flaws, and Peter is a very big flaw.

7. Gohan - Dragonball Z

Oh don't look so surprised Gohan, you know what you did! The thing is, you wouldn't expect Gohan to turn up on this list. He is a kid who is thrown into numerous wars, first against the Saiyans, then Frieza, then the Androids and Cell, etc, etc.

But, there is a huge reason why Gohan is on this list; animal cruelty. Oh yes, animal cruelty. I can understand Gohan being forced to survive in the wild after Piccolo abandoned him to toughen him up, but he terrorises a sabertooth tiger AND a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Oh, Gohan helped that ONE dinosaur, had a dragon which was rarely seen as a pet, these two animals were trying to eat him at one point, but they're animals. Gohan continuously frightened the sabertooth and ran it into exhaustion, while hunting down the Tyrannosaurus and cutting off bits of its tail, effectively mutilating it! It's not like Gohan's tail which can randomly regrow whenever the plot wants it to.

Gohan, he cares about everything except for certain kinds of animals.

6. Gandalf - Lord of the Rings

Oh believe me, he may be a great wizard, but he's a crap hero. The main problem with Gandalf (Ian McKellen), is that he doesn't convey information well. I mean, let's start with the obvious, carry the One Ring to Morder to destroy it and stop Sauron getting a body and conquering Middle Earth. Shall we walk thousands of miles, or use the giant eagles which Gandalf used in 'The Hobbit' decades earlier?

How about this, when the Fellowship are going over a mountain when Saruman (Christopher Lee) tries to kill them with magic. Gimli (John Rhys-Davis) offers an alternative; go through the Mines of Moria. The problem? Well, not only have orcs, goblins, and a cave troll taken over, but a Balrog has also moved in. And Gandalf KNOWS THIS. Does Gandalf tell the others? No he just tells Frodo to decide on what they do, without telling him about the dangers. So Frodo says go through the Mines, where they're attacked and Frodo almost killed before they even get into the Mines, and almost by a cave troll in the Mines, and Gandalf has to make the sacrifice...or the fake sacrifice anyway, to stop the Balrog. All of which could have been avoided if Gandalf had just said:
Gandalf - "Alright Frodo, do we continue up the mountain? Or go through the Mines of Moria?"
Frodo - "Well..."
Gandalf - "Oh by the way, the dwarfs living there are dead, and orcs, goblins, a cave troll, and a Balrog now live there, all of which could kill us"
Frodo - ".........."
Gandalf - "Moria it is!"

I'm not saying that going across the mountain was easier, but when there's an extended scene where Gandalf counters Saruman's spells, but why does he feel it's necessary to put others in danger just to make himself look good?

5. Jack - The American

I recently saw 'The American', and I really didn't like the main character. He's a loner, he tries to separate himself from everyone else but can't help but get attached, hey, I can understand, it's human nature.

We first find Jack (George Clooney) and a female companion in Sweden, being attacked by a gunman. We don't know why, but he is. Jack takes care of his attacker, asks his lover (Irina Bjorklund) to call the police. And the second she starts to go towards the cabin, Jack shoots her in the back of the head. And from what I can tell, for no reason.

If he hadn't shot her, he'd run. Sure, she could identify him. And? So she'd tell the police, they'd do a local search, before extending it nationwide, before then alerting police worldwide. By that point he'd have disappeared, got a new identity. Basically anything else he could have done would've been better. He even admits that she had no idea of the line of work he does, later turning out to be a contract killer, and that she was "just a friend". So for the rest of the film I'm waiting for him to kill the other people he befriended. And he has the gall to accuse a priest of hypocrisy just because he fathered a child at some point. Yeah! That's far worse than killing someone!

No we just watch Jack continuing with his life, possibly putting more people in harms way, and doing little to nothing trying to make us like him. Just because he's George Clooney it doesn't mean we should like him!

4. Claire Bennett - Heroes

You know what, I love all the seasons of Heroes. Oh, the first one is the best, and I'd have loved to have seen where it would have gone had they not re-written the ending to season two because of the writer's strike, especially since Sylar was suppose to gain invisibility and impenetrable skin in the original plans for season two part two. In fact why didn't they just stick to that original plan?

Anyway, as the seasons progressed Claire (Hayden Panettiere) is thought of as the vulnerable little girl by her adoptive father Noah (Jack Coleman), despite the obvious; she has the power regeneration. So in the early seasons I was all up for this being resolved, I was on Claire's side, she's virtually indestructible, how could she get hurt?

And then she really got moody. Like Peter earlier, Claire started to feel she knew better than everyone else. And this really got annoying. She started to act more like her evil alternate futuristic counterpart (........*thinks about it*...........yeah) than the original cute and caring cheerleader we found ourselves liking. In fact, this was the point where I wanted to see more of Panettiere, but the more I saw the more I was disappointed. I can't think of anyway that they could make me want to see Panettiere again.

Helloooooo Hayden.

3. Dobby - Harry Potter

I am so going to get so much flak for this. So many people love Dobby (Voiced by Toby Jones), they say he's great, they say he's a hero. I don't think he's as great as everyone says he is. And it's primarily down to his actions in the 'Chamber of Secrets'.

You see. In '...the Chamber of Secrets' Dobby is trying to stop Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe) from going to Hogwarts. It's later revealed that it's because Voldemort (Christian Coulson) is back using the Basilisk to kill people. Or attempt to anyway, he kind of sucks at doing that. But anyway, I just told you the threat in one sentence. So, it would be easy for Dobby to say this right? No of course not! There's this thing where he tries to hurt himself because he's serving the Malfoy's and therefore can't tell Harry without trying to bash his own head in. So, okay, he can't tell Harry the traditional way, and decides to get Harry grounded by dumping cake on Bishop Brennan/someone important to the Dursley's. Now, it would have been good to see Dobby regretting what he was doing. What does Dobby do?

He smiles of course!

And when that doesn't work, what does he do? He enchants a bludger which BREAKS Harry's arm. And he was lucky to only get that, since he could have easily died! Dobby nearly killed the main character!

In fact, Dobby's attempt must be in the top five for the attempts on Harry's life.

2. Ian Malcolm, Sarah Harding, and Nick Van Owen - The Lost World: Jurassic Park

You know, I didn't really notice this when I first watched it. I was, what, eight when I first watched it. But the good guys in this really aren't helpful.

They're suppose to be the good guys, they're suppose to portray the...prevent animal cruelty message, and yet how can we take it seriously when they are doing things without thinking of the consequences. Free the dinosaurs? Yeah sure, they're not going to run amuck and seriously harm people. Take their bullets? Definitely! They won't need it against the Tyrannosaurus Rex that's trying to eat them!

Let's continuously screw things up so no-one else survives!

1. Edward and Bella - The Twilight Saga

Gee, I wonder why he's (Robert Pattinson) on here! Could it be the telling Bella (Kristen Stewart) what to do, where to go, who to hang out with, who to not hang out with, abandons her, makes her suicidal, THROWS HER AGAINST A WALL, leaves her to be attacked by a villain from a previous film, keeps her away from her family, makes her dependent on him, what exactly is there to like about him? Hell, when he thought she was dead he planned to risk all of vampirekind just because he couldn't live without her.

And then there's HER. The manipulative, male dependent, selfish, vain, uncaring, lousy excuse of a human being.

Stephen King was right, Stephanie Meyer can't write worth a damn.



And there's my list. I apologise if it feels rushed, it pretty much was, but the point remains! These are suppose to be the likable characters, and yet they continuously do things which they shouldn't do. Bella and Edward are the biggest ones, everyone else is "meeeeeh I can see what you mean".

Coming up next, Hell.