Saturday 30 June 2012

Sexy Killer (2008)

.........................................................I have no idea what to say.

This Spanish film...is just completely mental. And that's not a bad thing. I initially thought this was a straight horror film, but it's actually mainly a comedy, and it's bloody (Pardon the pun) brilliant.

The film follows Barbara (Macarena Gomez), who holds a man (Who just ran over her newly acquired dog) hostage before telling him, and mainly the audience she literally talks to, her story.


The thing with this film, is that it pays tribute to so many genres and films, it creates its own piece of cinema. Films it references include 'Silence of the Lambs', 'Scream', 'Friday the 13th', 'Crocodile Dundee', and I'm pretty sure it references 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' too. This just adds to the madness that is this film. And at one point I think Barbara looks like Magenta from 'The Rocky Horror Show'.

This film does create its own dark humor, and to great effect. It's created mainly through the fantasy world which Barbara lives in, which includes a brief music video about how she wants to marry a plastic surgeon, and an commercial where Barbara explains the best way to kill someone with things you can find in the kitchen. The film is so eccentric, it's random, it's hard not to be caught up in the pace of the film.

The acting is great, it's like everyone was born to play their characters, from Cesar Camino as Tomas, Alejo Sauras as Alex, and Angel de Andres Lopez (Try saying that really fast five times) as the Inspector. Even the minor supporting characters did really well. But it's Gomez who truly makes this film watchable, not because she matches the title of the film perfectly, but because she delivers so much energy, so much passion to her role. Barbara is a psychopath who doesn't really know the difference between right and wrong, and yet Gomez makes the character sympathetic as well.

The effects, overall, are really good. For a horror-comedy it doesn't pull it's punches, if the script says a guy is going to get a hook through his chest, he's getting a hook through the chest. The deaths are elaborate and artistic, the first death involves her just happening to have the same Ghostface costume that some guy has, imitating his movements to look like a mirror reflection, before attacking him. That being said, there are some points when the effects are pretty bad. One being a blatant green screen towards the end and another being a car exploding (Though in all fairness the build-up to it was executed so brilliantly, you'll be enjoying it rather than hating it).

And then to add further insanity to this film, zombies turn up! Though the box implies the zombies are the main point of this film, they only appear within the last twenty odd minutes. Despite this the film does pay homage to previous zombie films perfectly, with the intensity and panic that a zombie film has, yet 'Sexy Killer' still retains it's own entity.


I have no idea what else I can say. but this is a bloody brilliant film. The characters are great, the actors/actresses portraying them are brilliant, the plot is fantastic, the humor is terrific, and Macarena Gomez is just perfect. I definitely recommend seeing this film, especially if you're a horror fan. This will be a great addition to your collection.

An Hour of: Lollipop Chainsaw

Let's get something straight here, I did not see any advertisement for this. Well, I suppose I did. The only piece of advertising I saw, was in Gamestation where they had it on the 'Coming Soon' shelf, which essentially showed the cover of the game. And from this cover, we were either going to get a great game, or a complete travesty. And after playing the 'Game of Thrones' game, I wasn't in the mood. Then again it is a zombie game, when has a zombie game ever been bad?

Loading up the game, we get an introduction cutscene before the loading screen. Wow it's been a Hell of a long time since seeing one of these, I think the last time I remember seeing one of these was for the Playstation One, maybe two.

It certainly makes us feel we got what we expected from the game, pink yet horrific, as well as deliver the anime/Japanese feel to it. We're introduced to Juliet (Voiced by Tara Strong), a cheerleader at San Romero High, and she has just turned 18. Well thank God she's of legal age......I'll move on.

She's fueled by lollipops, her mother is a trophy wife, her father is Elvis, her older sister is Subject Zero, and her younger sister works for the Burnout games. We're also introduced to Nick  (Voiced by Michael Rosenbaum) who Juliet is madly in love with. Nick meanwhile is being attacked by legions of the undead. Juliet then panics because she is late,and we get our first upskirt shot.

Going into the prologue, we first get a hint of the over the top nature of this game, when Juliet mows down some zombies with her bicycle. It also tells us in the top right corner some captions, in this case the prologue, "San Romero High School is the BEST!", and the time. This gives a nice comic feel to the game, and it certainly helps the over-the-top action we're about to get. Especially since Juliet carries a giant chainsaw with her, for such an occasion. The funny thing about this, is that the chainsaw just pops out from nowhere, so your idea of this sweet, charming girl, suddenly changes to "What the Hell?".

We then get, quite possibly, the best scene ever in a video game. The picture to the right of this does not do this scene justice. Juliet, revs her chainsaw, sticks it into the concrete, runs at the zombies, with the chainsaw slicing up the road and, in a sea of pink and rainbows, slices and dices five zombies in the best way possible. And all the while, Juliet is calling the zombies douchebags for deciding to start the zombie apocalypse on her birthday. She then lets zombies come toward her, spins on the spot, killing all of them and decapitating on, sending that zombie's head into the air. When that head comes down, she kicks it (Volleying it I might add), causing the head to skip across some bins, the zombie head doing an impression of the Three Stooges along the way, before landing in a baby's pram, where the baby then screams. It was at this point that I knew that I was in for one Hell of a game.

We then see the 3D graphics turn into 2D comic style drawings, where we read some bio on Juliet. We also get some more humor since Juliet's secret kink is "Like's being told she isn't fat". I'm sorry, I haven't said this yet, the graphics are beautiful, they truly are. There are little, if there are any, faults at all in movement for the characters or the surrounding. Sure, there may be some dubbing issues, but they can easily be overlooked. The comic style animations, I don't know, they add a certain touch to it, some artistic nature. Whatever it is, the comic drawings are truly amazing and a nice touch.

Finally controlling the character, we find that the controls are easy to master; B is jump, Y is chainsaw attack, X is pomp-pomp attack, whilst we are told which button to press to interact with objects. I suppose the button bashing controls can get too repetitive and they can be a little jagged, but to be honest, I didn't mind, especially since more variations unlock later. But for the most part I was having too much fun to care. The one thing I did notice though was the camera, which can tend to be awkward at times.

Moving through the school parking lot, avoiding a Hell of a lot of random yet awesome explosions, we come across our first S.O.S. And it's fairly simple; kill six zombies. Upon doing so the guy gives us some zombie medals which we can use in the shop. I'll come back to that later. After the guy gets picked up by a search and rescue helicopter, a bus almost hits Juliet but she does an epic slow motion back flip.


Going into said bus, and we find a giant lollipop, which turns out allows us to recover health, which was good because my health was actually getting quite low at this point. After being stopped by another bus (How the Hell are the zombies getting these buses?), we're finally told what the A button does; it enables us to use a low slash attack, which is about time because those legless zombies were becoming a pain.

A while later and after we saved two more students, and it's here where we get to use this zombie soul meter thing that was building up in the corner. This effectively activates invincible mode where you can kill zombies with one hit, all to the tune of 'Hey Mickey', and it's probably because of the that makes this one of the best parts of the game. The whole soul meter thing is just so surreal.

Speaking of surreal, when I was defending the third guy from zombies, it was also around this point when this 'Sparkle Hunt Bonus' came up, which seams to occur whenever you slice the heads off three zombies at once. This gives a nice little bonus to allow you to buy whatever at the shop, but at the same time it's just completely bizarre. The guy is eventually rescued by the rescue service, but for some bizarre reason they decide to leave the guy hanging there for quite a while, like bait on a fishing line. Sure enough they catch something. This results in Pilot Guy crashing.

We then suddenly see a phone icon, and it turns out Juliet's chainsaw has a built in telephone. Well, she is still a teenager I suppose. This telephone thing virtual does nothing. Okay, some of the phone calls I've had so far from Juliet's dad provided some hints for how to beat the high scores of the game, but the others are just banter to create laughs, but we can't actually seem to answer the phone. We can then try out the shop function for the first time, and we initially here we can purchase new moves or health upgrades. Later we can purchase new outfits or new songs for the soundtrack, from artists of all types such as Dead or Alive, Dragonforce, Arch Enemy, Children of Bodom, and Joan Jett and the Blackhearts. This is actually very thoughtful of the game makers to take into account of all the different types of music that different people like.

After that stint of shopping, we can slaughter more zombies and come across a special kind of lollipop, it's just a collectible, kind of like the Flying Rats from 'Grand Theft Auto 4' or the skulls from the 'Halo' series. What collecting these lollipops does beyond collecting them, I do not know. We're also told about the pause menu where we can find reminders on moves we have learnt, or character profiles. We also see 'Juliet's Stash', which basically stores game info like phone calls, types of zombies, lollipops collected, achievements and other stuff. To be honest, 'Juliet's Stash' is better to look at at the main menu, since during the game we can't actually read the zombie profiles or the achievement descriptions.

Moving on we face an onslaught of zombies, and find that these aren't true zombies since they TALK. Yeah, they talk. And yes, in a game where an 18 year old cheerleader carries around a chainsaw, which doubles as a phone, in a world being attacked by zombies, the fact that they talk is the point where I draw the line. After finally reaching the crash site, we come across two normal zombies and George, who is basically stronger than an average zombie. Activating the Soul meter again, I easily defeat all three zombies in one go. And then comes three zombies wearing hazmat suits. Lead by Jerry, these hazmat zombies are much tougher, and the cutscene effectively stopped invincible mode, so it wasn't as easy as George and the other two.

We finally catch up with Nick, whose hobbies include badminton and masturbation, who saves Juliet from a zombie, though he gets bitten in the process. What follows is an emotional scene as the two love birds, where Nick admits that he loves her, and Juliet refuses 'Fin', saying she knows how to save Nick. Nick sees Juliet waving her chainsaw before passing out. He then wakes up in a classroom and finds he's been turned into a handbag.

Having little to no choice but to become part of Juliet's belt, he provides some funny comments and some so-bad-it's-funny comments, as well as ask some very serious questions about the plot. After slaughtering some more zombies, we come across Mr. Fitzgibbon, who has become the teacher from Hell. After killing the waves of zombies he sends after you, he flees. Back in the corridors we come across an S.O.S guy who is being attacked. It took me a few tries to save him as the first couple of times I spent too much time trying to kill the zombies. After eventually saving him and clearing the classrooms, including killing Fitzgibbon with the aid of Soul meter, we see a suicide zombie bomber. Because, you know, this game isn't weird enough already.

Moving onto the next part we come across a headless zombie. What happens next is a mini-game where we place Nick's head on top of the headless zombie and control the body. This mini-game is good I suppose, but there are other mini-games later, some good, some tedious. I'll explain as they come. After another shopping trip we come across the second mini-game, 'Nick Roulette'. Now I completely mis-read this the first time and thought we were going to use Nick's head as a bowling ball, instead she twirls his head round in a circle. Kind of seems pointless when we need to get to another S.O.S all the way down at the other end of the corridor.

But after killing even more zombies, it appears we're about to fight a strong zombie but it gets shot in the head. It appears we've been saved by a policeman, one who can actually shoot...he's a zombie isn't he? Great. Well, after taking care of him and some kamikaze zombies, a zombie drives a bus into the building at Juliet. This leads to a pretty cool time challenge; chainsaw a block of concrete to block its path or get squashed.

Even more zombie deaths later, and we come across some more special zombies, these ones being on fire. But don't worry, there's a mini-game to fight them off! This one involves a strip pole! You continuously press Y to speed up, and to be honest I did find this to be one of the better mini-games. Mainly because it looked awesome spinning round and round like a record baby, killing zombies with a circling chainsaw.

This level pretty much introduces all the mini-games, since we soon come across another mini-game, this one involves jumping up and down on the zombies heads. This mini-game turns out to be awesome, since all those heads then explode into beams of light. Then we come across zombie basketball, where we essentially slice the heads off zombies to get them into the net, though there can be a zombie defender who will try to keep the heads out. You need to score 100 points in three minutes. This one, was probably my favourite out of the mini-games, I just had so much fun out of this..

After escaping a near death explosion, which gave me a craving to do some more shopping for combos, and slaughtered some more zombies in the corridor and a smoke filled room, I used Nick on a headless zombie to do what I do best; blow crap up. Unfortunately two infected police officers who are on fire come in. Luckily I have a filled Soul meter so I quickly made short work of them.

We then meet up with Morikawa, Juliet's sensei. And boy what a character he is. Within two seconds he goes into a weird sequence which...I can't even describe it. You'll need to see it for yourself to see how hilariously awesome that sequence is. Mr Miyagi here then tells Juliet and Nick (He's speaking directly to Nick, as the picture to the right will show you - And yes, fish do turn up from Morikawa's sequence) that there are three worlds, the Land Beyond Worlds, the Rotten World, and Earth. The Land Beyond Worlds is obviously Heaven, so the Rotten World, where everything from ghouls, zombies and goblins live, must be Hell.

Anyway, as Morikawa explains, someone used dark "magic and dynamite" to break down the wall to the Rotten World, letting zombies pour onto the Earth. Whoever blew up the walls between the realms will most likely be trying to find a permanent doorway, so Morikawa states they must stop that from happening. Morikawa then teleports......I love that guy. I hope he turns up again. But for now, my hour is up.

So, my thoughts on the game. It's bloody brilliant! This game is such a big laugh, the over-the-top nonsense, the awesome cutscenes, the easy-to-adapt-to controls, some really funny lines, the brilliant graphics, there is hardly any fault. Well, okay there are some, such as the rubbish camera movements, but to be honest, you really won't care. You have to at least give this game a try, it will not disappoint.

Thursday 28 June 2012

Chernobyl Diaries (2012)

Let me start off with explaining the background of Chernobyl. The Chernobyl Power Plant was, well, a power plant, located in Prypiat, Ukraine. The plant suffered an explosion to one of it's power cores, resulting in a nuclear disaster, essentially on a biblical scale; Prypiat was abandoned, Soviet Russia's economy was crippled, most of Europe was radiated, over thirty-one people died, many babies were born with deformities, and countless more were either ill from radiation or developed cancer-related illnesses from the radiation. It was the biggest nuclear disaster in history, only matched by the Fukushima Daiichi disaster in Japan last year.

Thanks to 'Call of Duty: Modern Warfare', Chernobyl became a fascination to many, including myself. Then there's books like 'Beauty in Decay' where we see pictures of Prypiat, and it actually does look spectacular, you do see the city in a new light.

So I had mixed feelings going into this. I felt interested in the film because it's about Chernobyl, but I was also worried that the film was essentially going to spit in the face of the people who were affected by the Chernobyl disaster. And...the film doesn't really do that. SPOILERS The ghouls or zombies or whatever hunting down our heroes aren't ghouls or zombies or whatever. They're "patients" of some sort, the location was just basically a coincidence. But why were the Ukrainian authorities doing this? What were these patients for? Why was this film called 'Chernobyl Diaries' when it had virtually nothing to do with Chernobyl nor was a diary ever mentioned? I guess since Oren Peli was behind this and the 'Paranormal Activity' films, we'll have to wait for 'Chernobyl Diaries 3' before we get any answers.

The fact that this film wasn't filmed for critics should have been a warning. For the first half of this film, nothing really happened apart from some minor jump scares. It doesn't really explain the Chernobyl Disaster beyond "there was an explosion" and any scenes where we should be seeing the characters interact with the eerie location, is ruined by the characters filling the whole screen or stupid looking CGI.

To be fair the first half of the film develops the characters and the story, or how much I don't care about the characters anyway. Chris (Jesse McCartney) is generally a dick who tries to be sensible but comes off as someone who looks down on everyone, in particular his brother. Natalie (Olivia Taylor Dudley), Zoe (Ingrid Bolso Berdel), and Amanda (Devin Kelley) are effectively underused and we learn virtual nothing about them; Amanda is even apparently one of the main members of the group, and yet I felt she hardly did anything. She did chose the weirdest time to look through the pictures she took though. Paul (Jonathan Sadowski) is one of the better characters since he seems more realistic in his actions, but Michael (Nathan Phillips) was probably my favorite character; he was caring, funny, and honest. Uri (Dimitri Diatchenko) is a mixed character, I did like him, but you weren't really sure about him. Overall though, the characters were bland people who had no background.

Then again these characters are stupid. When they go off looking for a missing cast member, they go in the complete opposite direction that he last seen in (Though by the magic of plot convenience they come across his walkie talkie, trail and inevitable corpse), leave members of their group alone so that they're an easy target, and willingly go in the dark whilst knowing there's something out there.

So the first half was effectively boring, including a scene where the four main characters interact with some thugs, which results in nothing. The second half where the local dogs and monsters attack is where the film picks up. But, and this is a huge but, the scares are too predictable. I pretty much saw every single cheap jump scare coming, including the fake out. The film did create a tense and scary environment, then again it is set in the world's most famous ghost town. Okay, the film creates a tense atmosphere which fans of 'Paranormal Activity' will enjoy, but for seasonal horror fans, you might as well take a nap. Then again there was that one kid. Kids are scary.


Not that you'd know what's going on half the time mind you, due to the shaky-hand camera. Not only does this disorientate the viewer and hinder their enjoyment, it makes no sense. None of the characters are doing this through cameras like 'Chronicle' or 'Paranormal Activity' did, this film isn't part of the lost tape genre, there just appears to be an extra member of cast who no-one acknowledges. Kind of like what they did in 'Episode 50'.

In all fairness this isn't a horrendous film. Sure it has its problems, the scares are annoying jump scares which occur every five minutes, the characters can be shallow, annoying or stupid, the acting can be off at times, but the film does pick up in the second half and is a great choice for fans of Peli's work. The problem is the makers tried to make this film too much like the 'Paranormal Activity' films rather than its own, which is a shame since they essentially ignored the Chernobyl setting which could have offered so many opportunities. I won't say don't go and see this film, but don't be too shocked if it's not everything you wished it was.

Saturday 23 June 2012

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)


I didn’t really know what to expect when approaching Odeon to watch this film. Apart from laughing at my mates antics after walking there from the pub from that’s beside the point. I admit that I haven’t seen any trailers for this (In fact, I saw a trailer on the television this morning, AFTER I had seen the film), and I hadn’t read the book. When I was arranging the trip to the cinema with the Whalley, I saw in my Facebook news feed that Film Brain posted a review, saying “Four score and seven yawns ago”. That sounds good.

And as the film started up, I kinda got that feeling. Quite a bit happened at the start, with the young Abraham Lincoln (Lux Haney-Jardine) witnessing his mothers’ (Robin McLeavy) death at the hands of vampire Jack Barts (Marton Csokas), then the older Abe (Benjamin Walker) failing in his attempts at getting revenge, and meeting his soon-to-be mentor Henry Sturgess (Dominic Cooper). And yet despite this, I was starting to feel bored and uninterested.

Thankfully though the film really picked up, though some may find the pace was too fast, glimpsing over the origins and the training rather than fully explaining it. To be honest though this didn’t affect me that much.

The characters are interesting, I will say that. They really did a great job mixing in Abraham Lincoln’s true history as well as the fictional vampire hunting background. Adam (Rufus Sewell) came off as a sophisticated yet dangerous individual, even if he didn’t really seem to have an evil plan. Oh he had an objective, but until the American Civil War started he didn’t really have a plan to reach that objective. Joshua Speed (Jimmi Simpson) I wasn’t too sure of at first but once his initial scene was finished I had changed my tune. Will Johnson (Anthony Mackie) was portrayed as a great friend for Abe and Mary Todd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) was a pretty good love interest. Vadoma (Erin Wasson) I felt could have done more, but she was still an okay villain. Henry Sturgess was actually my favourite character, he was interesting, he was noble, he was useful, he was just a great character. Even if it was obvious that he was a vampire.

But probably the main reason I liked these characters is because of the acting. The cast do a really great job in their roles. Cooper was probably the best actor in the cast, portraying Sturgess was like second nature to him. Walker did a great job at Abraham Lincoln as he goes through heartache and love. The supporting cast also gave great performances, though, as stated, Wasson could have given a better performance, while Winstead did seem bored at times, but still gave a stellar performance in other scenes.

The effects, really could have been better. In the film’s defence the bridge on fire effect was actually really good, but then everything else just seemed so fake, from the horses to the trains, while the slow motion was mainly used in the wrong spots. Then again what can I expect from Timur Bekamambetov, the director of ‘Wanted 2008’?

Finally, we have the story. Haven’t not read the book I don’t know how well adapted it truly is. Then again I did see the film with two people who had read the book and, while they said the action scenes were more extravagant and some details had changed, it was still a faithfull adaptation.

I see online some people have complained about the film, some saying “didn’t they read the book?”, well, I’m pretty sure the guy who wrote the adaptation script read the book, BECAUSE IT’S THE SAME GOD DAMN PERSON! Yeah! Seth Grahame-Smith wrote both the book AND the screenplay!

The main problem people find with this film, is that they didn’t find the film funny. That the title gave them the wrong idea, that the people behind this film took it too seriously. And unsurprisingly the people who say this is say they haven’t read the book. Neither have I, but I never thought the thing was suppose to be a comedy, and after researching the film and book, neither are regarded as comedies or sub-comedy. The film is regarded as a action, fantasy horror, while the book is a mashup, horror, historical, thriller. So maybe these people should watch this film as it was meant to be, A STRAIGHT FILM!

Anyway, overall, I liked this film. Sure I hated the CGI scenes and the film isn’t a masterpiece, but there’s really no reason why this is a bad film. The acting is great, the action scenes (While hampered by CGI) are well thought out, the characters are excellent, the plot flowed nicely, the mashup of fact and fiction was fantastic, Hell, the makeup to make Walker appear much older was brilliant.

So give this film a go, but remember, think of it as a serious action film, not a spoof.