Diary of the Dead (2007)

Firstly, I like zombie films. Just in case I didn’t make that clear in the ‘Land of the Dead’ review, I like zombie flicks, whether they run or walk. Then, I like the found footage genre, where it makes you feel part of the action, with films like ‘Cloverfield’, ‘The Blair Witch Project’ and ‘REC’, I really do like that film genre.

So why do I hate this film? Okay, hate is a bit of a strong word, but I certainly don’t like it.

This film serves as a reboot, it follows the zombie outbreak but in the 21^st Century, with the main flow of information being from the internet. Whilst rebooting it wasn’t that big a deal, it does move away from the classic feel that the original trilogy and even ‘Land of the Dead’ at least attempted, which does not bode well.

It follows a group of students and their professor (who is with them...for some reason) who attempt to survive the zombie Apocalypse, as well as film everything. And that’s the main reason why this film fails. Jason Creed, played by Joshua Close, literally wants to film EVERYTHING. This leads to some of the stupidest things I have ever seen. One example, Jason films a zombie attacking one of his friends instead of, oh, I don’t know, HELPING HIM! Sure he shouts at him, but putting down the camera and attacking the zombie doesn’t come across his mind. He does this five times. FIVE! And, to return back to the point, he does film everything, including himself EDITING his video! And for what? “72000 hits in eight minutes”. Oh yeah, in a world where the dead are rising, all he cares about are the number of times his video has been viewed. What the Hell is wrong with this guy?! The Stranger, played by Martin Roach, even says “Who’s gonna be left to watch?”. And it is a bit redundant when we’re told that whatever the camera picks up, the audience will pick up, then towards the end say that Ridley got bit, then not only cut back to that scene, but zoom in on the blood in slow motion! You contradicted yourself movie! You say the audience would’ve picked up on that, then you spell it out for them, effectively saying they’re morons!

Then it all comes down to the flow of information. The underlying message in ‘Land of the Dead’ is rich verses poor. The underlying message in ‘Diary of the Dead’ is the search for the truth; the war in Iraq being the big motivator. That the media and the government keep the truth from the public. Again, like in ‘Land of the Dead’, it was a terrible message to portray. Why? Well let’s see, how can the government keep the dead rising from the public secret?! I think everyone knows!

Not only that, but there’s a political message as well; mainly that the military are complete and utter jerks, shown when soldiers steal everything but the weapons from our group and when some military personal shoot an elderly couple when the zombies they were hiding attacked them. The elderly people being shot, okay, fine, I can’t think of a defence for that. But, the stealing from group, to some, was to show that they are in fact dicks. In reality, it shows that in the zombie Apocalypse you can’t rely on the military for protection, especially when it is falling apart at the seams. People get desperate, that’s human nature.

What else sucks about this film though? The characters! Now, at least ‘Land of the Dead’ had some good characters, unlike ‘Diary of the Dead’ where pretty much every single character is unlikeable and unbelievable. The majority of them are bland and forgettable, some do some really stupid things, like pull a gun out of their arse (well it’s the only explanation for the sudden appearance of the gun I can think of) and shoot themselves through the cheek, but there are three characters who really piss me off. There’s Jason who I’ve already gone over.

Then there’s Debra who is played by the awful Michelle Morgan, who hasn’t got a personality beyond bitch. She constantly moans and does an immediately emotional recovery from her family trying to kill her. But that’s not the worse part; she’s the narrator. And a bloody awful one at that. Her narrating lines are just terrible, including a line which says that she has put in sound effects and edited the film to make the viewers scared. Point one, this is supposed to be a real life documentary, why would you edit it in a way to scare the person watching it? Point two, if she says she edited it, thank you for telling me five minutes into the film that Jason bites the dust later, thank you for the spoilers. Point three, the scares in this film are predictable and stupid. Point four, you Debra, SUCK!

Then we have Andrew Maxwell, the professor of the students, played by Scott Wentworth. Why is he with the students? Because the plot says so! Seriously no lecturer, professor or teacher hangs around their students when they’re filming a project for their class! But whilst Wentworth does at least try to bring some decent acting into this film, his character is just so dull. Half his lines, at least, are strangely poetic, which makes his dialogue tedious and annoying.

Actually, I lied, there were some characters that were likeable, the Stranger and Samuel, the deaf Amish guy. Martin Roach does a fantastic job as the Stranger and was actually a very interesting character. Samuel was intriguing, mainly because he blows three zombies up with a stick of dynamite, and he was played by R.D. Reid very well. Unfortunately he was slightly ruined by the fact that he put a scythe through his own skull and a zombie’s skull like they were butter. But both of them were well thought out characters. And when your main cast are being outdone by characters who were in the film for about ten minutes, you know something is wrong.

The ending REALLY pissed me off though. After surviving a night in the mansion that’s built like a fortress, the three remaining survivors lock themselves in a panic room as the house is overrun by the zombies. Why is it overrun? Because they left a door open! A zombie Apocalypse, and they left a door open?! What a bunch of idiots! And the film ends like that? Not with a bang but with a whimper? Just because you had a zombie running around the night before, doesn’t mean you can’t have a climax.

Oh wait, that's NOT the end! No Debra narrates a scene which debates whether humanity is worth saving when two rednecks use zombies for shooting practice. Point one, because two people use dead people as shooting practice, everyone apparently deserves to die. Point two, they shot zombies which would eat people. I agree that they shot what used to be human in an undignified way, but they're zombies! Point three, you still suck Debra!

So, final thoughts?...I didn’t like it. So, two for nothing, I hope the aptly named ‘Survival of the Dead’ restores some dignity to the franchise.