The Possession (2012)

All exorcism films are the same. Let's face it, they are. Someone gets possessed, most people don't believe, the possessed gets more and more demon-like, people who didn't believe in the possession believe, a religious guy comes in to perform exorcism, demon resists, demon is exorcised, the end. At least 'The Devil Inside' actually had a different ending.

'The Possession' finds Clyde (Jeffrey Dean Morgan, a.k.a. John Winchester), in the aftermath of his divorce, taking his kids, Emily (Natasha Calis) and Hannah (Madison Davenport), for the weekend at his new house, while tolerating his ex-wife Stephanie (Kyra Sedgwick) and her new boyfriend Brett (Grant Show)...Wait, Boyd? Boyd from 'Point Pleasant'? So we have a demon hunter (Morgan), a demon and the servant of Lucifer (Show), this should be a blast! Anyway, at a garage sale (Or yard sale whichever side of the ocean you're on) Emily acquires a box which apparently can't be opened. She opens it. Big mistake, as inside that box was a demon just waiting to possess something. The religious guy who comes in later is Tzadok (Matisyahu).

And this film immediately lost me when it came up with the usual crap about the film being based on a true story. And then looking into this film online, I found it actually was. Or according to Wikipedia it is, and, as we all know, if it's on Wikipedia it must be true. Apparently someone tried to sell a Jewish wine cabinet on eBay, and attached a story with it about eerie things happening. Hell, here's the official website http://www.dibbukbox.com/story.htm. Of course none of the stories relate to what happen in the film.

Firstly, the acting is good. Great in fact. The one thing which most horror films nowadays is having poor characters in it, having characters which we wouldn't really care about if they died or not, either by not developing the characters enough, by giving us unlikable characters, or from the actors giving terrible performances. The thing about this film is that it successfully makes us care about them, with great acting, and it keeps the actual threat in the film fresh; it doesn't focus on the characters so much that we forget about the main plot. Matisyahu and Morgan certainly bring a lot to this film, as does Madison Davenport.

I certainly have to give particular praise to Natasha Calis, she was absolutely fantastic. Whenever there was a scene in which she was possessed (In particular) she blew me away, and you know how much I hate child actors. If I say Calis was fantastic she was bloody fantastic. The personality of the character can flip at the click of a finger. When she portrays the demon, just staring at you, at one point Clyde says "All I see is that thing (demon) staring back at me" (Or something like that), and you really can see that, when she stares as the demon possessed, she really does send chills down your spine.

I suppose it's also because of the special effects and make-up, which does genuinely help create tension. I mean, look at the pictures if you don't believe me. The effects showing hand movements under the skin and her eyeballs rolling around just makes your skin crawl. The make-up meanwhile...well, look at the picture on your right, how does that NOT freak you out?

Now, I have been telling you the positives for this film, and believe me it is a good film. But, is it a good horror film? Well, not really. I admit there were two instances which did genuinely scare me, one being the exorcism book being thrown across the room (Which was odd seeing as how it was used in every single trailer, timing I suppose) and a later scene which involved being in a room with hardly any light.

But apart from that, the film isn't that scary. Besides the fact most of the scares are predictable, the film makers seem to think that turning up the volume at times is scary. It isn't, I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before (Though I can't remember which post it was), but it's just a cheap means on getting scares. If a person gets scared because of a genuine scary moment, or even a jump scare, the viewer can at least laugh at themselves. Turning up the volume when someone thumps the window annoys the viewer, mainly because it gives the viewer a headache rather than scaring them.

So really, the film is good, it's entertaining, you can get behind the characters, the flow of the plot is good, the acting is great. As someone who doesn't normally like exorcism films, I did find this film entertaining, mainly because of the characters, Natasha Calis and the odd bit of humor. The problem is, it's just not scary, the scares are predictable and cheap, and that's not what you're looking for in a horror film. So really, don't think of it as a horror...bizarrely.

Horrorvision (2001)

Wow, my one hundredth post. I can't believe I've made it, I can't believe that I managed to stick with it. Now, for my one hundredth post, I was thinking I should do something special. And so, I've decided to go with the 2001 film 'Horrorvision'. There will be spoilers

The plot...um, I'll be honest, I've got this one in the background while typing this up, and that's because I haven't a clue as to what the plot is. It's fairly easy to pick up, but it's just really dull and, at times, confusing. It lacks anything memorable, anything captivating.

The film is its own worst enemy, since it has long periods of virtually nothing happening. The opening credits was just one long shot of what I can only assume to be virtual reality, while the credits pop up one line at a time. The opening credits go on for four minutes, I kid you not, and there are several pieces which go over nothing for at least a minute; these include what appear to be a sight seeing tour of wherever we are, desert, and a flashback to scenes shown earlier in the film because the makers think you're stupid and have forgotten these scenes took place. I'll get back to this later.

Basically as I watch this, I can understand that the there's a website that kills people whenever they go to it. Or rather it sucks people into the computer. The plot doesn't make sense! Well, I suppose reading it out loud makes sense, but the actual portrayal is just confusing. This appears to be an anti-human film, since the film starts off with two characters complaining about a girl on the Disney Channel. I can only assume they were talking about 'Hannah Montana'. The guy, Dez (Jake Leonard), then goes on to say that he changed his landlord's user name to 'pigfuc*er', posted his credit card details online, and then emailed him a virus where everyone in his address book is sent porn. And we're not told why. Is the landlord a jerk? Is everyone in his email contacts complete and utter bastards? You apparently provide...something to what you call "perverts", so I'm guessing porn (Turns out I'm right). Why should we like you?

Toni (Brinke Stevens), the girl talking to Dez, says that it's not their fault that the world is sick, they just "entertain the madmen", before watching a news report where someone went on a murderous rampage, and the news crew are apparently allowed to walk onto the crime scene and film the dead corpses up close. Toni  clicks in a link to horrorvision, and is the subsequently attacked by cables and...sucked into the blaghole or something.

Dez and his girlfriend Dazzy (Maggie Rose Fleck) go over to Toni's, break into the apartment and find she isn't there. When Dez actually gets out his tools for breaking in, he says he isn't returning to his "anarchy" ways and that it's only for emergencies. It's just a CD! It's not exactly an emergency! And apparently you're not officially breaking and entering until you call out. But when the film is boring you with the little bits about the film, it's boring you with every single other scene. In fairness it provides...some character development, like saying Dez is trying to write a screenplay and Dazzy offering to pay the bills while he does so he can get out of the bondage website, which is immediately disregarded in the next scene when its shown he isn't working on the screenplay, but the Goddamn website! And maybe if he had worked on the screenplay, he wouldn't have come across Horrorvision and his Dazzy wouldn't have been absorbed into it.

And it's here Horrorvision gives us a message, "the human race is a ludicrous mistake...a cancer that devours itself along with everything in its path...the destroyer must itself be destroyed". And the reason why Dez gets this message and no-one else, is because he's the main character. After this Dez returns to Toni's, where he finds a prostitute has broken into Toni's (But it's all right, it's not officially breaking and entering until she calls out). Upon learning virtually nothing from the hooker and being chased by her and her friend with a...stick (Leaving the guy she (With the...stick) was beating). But it's here that we meet up with the Morpheus rip-off, Bradbury (Played by James Black). Bradbury seems to have had experience with horrorvision, don't know why, he just does.

Right after this we get yet another montage of Dez driving, seriously if you took all these pointless montages out of the film, this hour and twelve minute film would be lucky to reach the forty-five minute mark. And this montage where we also get a flashback of the times between Dez and Dazzy (Including one point when the film fades into the same shot), and the filmmakers really do think the audience are idiots and have forgotten this, because these scenes only happened withing the last half an hour! Yeah, we haven't even reached the half hour mark yet! There was even a pointless scene earlier of someone fiddling about with what appeared to be the prototype for the xbox controller, for NO REASON. Does he turn up again? Did he have a point to the overall plot? No! We do also get quite a fixation on two guys beating each other, or pretending that the punches connect anyway. And I found THAT more interesting! Mainly because it was hilarious to watch, but also because I wanted to know why they were fighting, I wanted to know who they were, I wanted to know what their story was, it's more fascinating than what was actually going on!

Dez takes refuge in a random hotel, because apparently he can't go back home. Though we are introduced to Schizo the hotel clerk (Chuck Williams) who, again, is much more entertaining than our actual main character. Though I think Schizo should call the police when Dez grabs hold of the guy, since the term is actually unwanted contact. Then again America might completely have a different legal term for assault. Hell, Dez flicks on a couple of films which I would actually prefer to watch. He also puts on a news report which takes place "Just a few minutes away from yesterday's killing spree" (Which is probably why the background is the exact same as the last news report) where a third mass murder has occurred. I repeat, the third mass murder. And these are completely unrelated events, they have no connection to each other whatsoever, is this film in the same universe as 'Southland Tales'? Is the Earth's rotation slowing down making people insane? Why else would these events happen so close to one another?

Dez gets attacked at the hotel since horrorvision can apparently transmit machines through wireless technology, and the sphere centipede it sends through actually attacks him with the dial-up modem. Schizo bites the dust and Dez is saved by Bradbury, Bradbury saying that Dez might as well load his enemy's gun and hand it to him, then again if Bradbury told him that horrorvision uses wireless, then Dez wouldn't have taken anything wireless with him. The film then tries to go into another montage before Dez interrupts to start yelling and asking what's going on. Apparently Dez decided to wait a while before flipping. Bradbury explains that Dez saw Manifesto...wait, Manifesto? You mean a written documentation of motives or views normally done by a political party? Really?

Anyway, Bradbury takes Dez to the place where horrorvision is apparently based. Finding Synth (Josh Covitt), who is here...because he's here. And it's here where things get confusing, since Dez seems more concerned on finding Toni then Dazzy. Isn't Dazzy your girlfriend? Anyway, the three guys move on (With the film thinking the same shot of the door they just came through is the next door they need to go through), we find Wetwire (David Bartholomew Greathouse). Wow. Really. You went with that design and name? That wouldn't scare a five year old. Anyway, Wetwire explains that horrorvision cannot be shut down since it's now on the internet. He also explains that he has downloaded every single person which horrorvision has absorbed. And the characters seemed more conerned with Toni's data file than Dazzy's. But the bizarre thing about this scene is what's the point in saving them? You are literally saving them. What happened to humanity must be destroyed? Wetwire says their souls aren't stored, but seriously, you're literally saving them.

After Synth is killed by a slight burn and some scratches to the face and Wetwire gets shot, and Dez gets humped by a sphere centipede, Dez gets a pointless scene where he thinks it was all a dream. But in reality Bradbury got him out and they are now driving in the desert. Bradbury then says that two more mass murders have occurred "there's a trail of blood in every city across this country. The world has gone mad", with Dez saying that "It's inevitable".

Okay, WHAT THE FU*K?! Seriously, this thirty seconds of dialogue really pisses me off! Firstly, Bradbury says "this country" and apparently that means the rest of world is doing this too! Secondly, what's with all the mass murders?! Maybe Bradbury's right, maybe the world has gone nuts, because this doesn't happen! You do not get five, that's right, FIVE unconnected mass murders in the space of TWO DAYS! If the film blamed it on horrorvision, I'd get that, but it isn't, it's saying that apparently all of humanity will inevitably snap and kill basically everyone!

Moving on. After yet ANOTHER montage, this time of Bradbury and Dez just driving aimlessly in the desert (Weren't you fighting an evil website a moment ago?), with many shots of the desert with rubbish all over the place, as well as a random dead body. And it was when I was watching this for the second time with the Curator of Movie Vault 666 that it finally hit me; this, is an ENVIRONMENTAL film. It all makes sense now! The buildings and telephone wire poles which have ravaged the landscapes, the litter spewing about the land, it's all to do with the environment! And the cause of it all? HUMANS! The human filth where man hates his own brother, where violence dominates every day life, where people kill each other over love, money, religion and politics, which takes everything for granted, that's what this film is! It's a message that humanity is a self-destructive force that must change its ways or suffer its inevitable end.

Or it could all be completely and utterly STUPID! Horrorvision is apparently Skynet, since no-one actually uploaded it to the internet, actually it's not even Skynet since apparently no-one even CREATED it! It says humanity must be destroyed, and yet it uses something which wouldn't even exist without humanity. Bradbury says that the governments and religious movements were too busy going after threats like TV violence and pornography that they let the dangerous ideas pass by, you know, like killer websites! Why didn't they see THAT one coming?!

Okay, that's it, I'm wrapping this up, Bradbury says that he and Dez are the chosen ones who are destined to fight horrorvision, references Star Wars and reminding me of better films, but because Dez is an idiot and has an apparently watch which can connect to the wireless in the middle of a wasteland, another horrorvision monster (Which is apparently Manifesto himself) comes along. Dez manages to destroy the watch,  which apparently is highly resistant to rocks and boots, but Bradbury dies. Bradbury gives a list of apparently other people who survived seeing the horrorvision website and Dez walks off in the middle of the desert with no food or water to his inevitable death, while the horrorvision website most likely succeeds in saving all of mankind.

Oh my God this was stupid. The acting was actually pretty decent and the monsters movements were really good I'll give the film that, but everything else was just horrendous. The actually effects were bad, the characters are dull, with most of the characters not serving any point, half the lines are mumbled, and the plot is incredibly slow and uninteresting. I have read some other reviews which said the film has many fresh ideas, which it doesn't. The plot of man vs machines was already done in the 'Terminator' films, the idea of being the chosen one was already done in 'The Matrix' (At least 'Horrorvision' has more lively actors that 'The Matrix', killer websites came from the Japanese, nothing from this film is original.

Would I watch it again though? Apparently I would, but it's more because this film is so forgettable than anything else. Watching it with at least one other person with drinks makes it more watchable but the film overall is just a mess. It doesn't know what it wants to be, it seemed the script was written for a short film but was ordered to be a full feature, and it's implied to be a horror but plays off more as a sci-fi. And the worse thing is, the ending is sequel baiting. Maybe the film makers will learn from the mistakes of this film if they ever decide to green light *shudders* a sequel. But if you do want to watch this, get some mates for a laugh and buy vast quantities of booze.

Still, at least it's better than 'Battleship.

Top Twenty Episodes of Supernatural (Part Two)

Welcome to part two of the Supernatural top twenty list. I would like to once again point out that this was a very difficult list for me to put together, there were loads of other episodes that I wanted to put in this top twenty, but unfortunately I had to edge them out. These included 'Phantom Traveler' and 'Devil's Trap'. But I hope that the ones that I've picked to be the top ten, you'd at least somewhat agree with. But anyway, here they are, part two of my list and the top ten episodes of Supernatural.

10. Houses of the Holy (2.13)

Dean and Sam investigate claims that an angel is telling them to go out and murder people. While it appears that the victims are innocent, it is revealed that they do in fact have darker sides; one has a corpse buried in his basement and another is a pedophile. Sam then receives a vision and is told to kill a person who hasn't committed a crime. Yet.

It eventually turns out that it isn't an angel, but rather the spirit of a priest, Father Thomas Gregory (David Monahan), and it's basically this but that gets me hooked, line and sinker. Basically the emotion generated from Sam and Father Reynolds (Denis Arndt) trying to persuade Father Gregory that he's not an angel and is in fact dead, was wonderfully well done.

Then there's what Dean was doing. Throughout the whole episode he debunks angel mythology, but he gives chase on the guy Sam was told to kill. Finding he was about to rape and beat his girlfriend, Dean rescues the girl and chases the guy all over town, before, in true Final Destination style, the guy is killed in a horrific accident. This manages to unnerve Dean, saying it was like judgment from God, since Dean stopped Sam on Gregory's command, and yet he still dies. Though it does raise a question; how did Father Gregory know what he was planning to do?

9. Simon Said (2.05)

Sam is continuing to have precognitive dreams, which leads him to a place where people are committing the strangest killings and suicides. It is revealed that there's a special child, like Sam, with the power of mind control. However his evil relative is also in town.

You'll see a few of these, but again, I liked the the emotional side to the story, where Andy (Gabriel Tigerman) meets his long lost brother Ansem (Andrew Gallagher) and, ultimately, has to kill him to save the girl he loves; the girl he now loses because she's afraid of what he can do. He loses his brother and his romantic interest in one swoop.

Then there's the humor, mainly surrounding Dean, when Andy uses his power to make Dean do whatever. Dean nonchalantly giving Andy the Impala and then telling Andy what they actually do when Sam tried to tell him a lie was fantastic.

8. Criss Angel is a Douchebag (4.12)

Sam and Dean investigate the death of a man who was stabbed fourteen times in multiple places.w

I love magic. That's the main reason why I love this episode. The illusions and, well, general magic fascinated me. I generally love all sorts of magic. Dynamo is a brilliant magician/illusionist, you should check him out when you have the chance.

This episode also has a sympathetic mark. Jay (Barry Botswick) decides that he must kill Charlie (John Rubinstein/Michael Weston), but the third member of their friendship abandons Jay, leaving Jay alone and depressed again; Jay was depressed before and was trying to do fatal tricks in order to kill himself.

It's emotional and it has one of my favourite subjects, what's not to love?

7. Jus in Bello (3.12)

Have you ever heard of 'Assault on Precinct 13'? Where a small police station is under siege from a street gang? Yeah? Well this is the Supernatural version, where Dean, Sam, Special Agent Henrikson (Charles Malik Whifield), and others try to fight back against an army of demons Hellbent om killing the Winchester's.

Firstly, Henrikson is back. Absolutely brilliant. His chemistry with both Sam and Dean is terrific. Secondly, the plot is fantastic with demons; with demons at the front door you can't tell who is and who isn't a demon. Then the assault on the precinct was perfectly pulled off. The episode also marks the first appearance of Lilith, who basically takes away the happy ending we were waiting for.

6. The Rapture (4.20)

The angel Castiel (Misha Collins) has been recalled to Heaven, leaving his vessel behind, which means the actual person, Jimmy, has come back and wants to return to his normal life.

This episode delves into the history of Castiel's vessel, which was a risky yet well paid gamble. We see how Jimmy went from being a Christian into becoming one of Heaven's main angels. It also shows how much his family mean to him when Castiel returns and claims Jimmy's daughter as his vessel. I would not want to be Jimmy though. He gets blown up more times than a balloon (And we don't know if he survives or not).

5. Croatoan (2.09)

A fair while ago, the populace of one of the first colonies, Roanoke Colony, disappeared without a trace, except for one word; croatoan. While investigating one of Sam's visions in Rivergrove, Oregon, they find the same word carved on a telegraph pole.

The town then reaches its sell-by-date. Except for a handfull of people everything is going to Hell as the townsfolk succumb to the Croatoan virus and become...demon hybrids of sorts. The disease spreads via blood, and it doesn't show up for four hours, so when someone is suspected to be infected, the situation becomes very volatile.

That's what makes this episode so intriguing and captivating, the idea that no-one is who they say they are, how the group of survivors disintegrate from within.

4. Roadkill (2.16)

This is a special episode. A couple are driving on a highway, but a man appearing in the middle of the road causes them to crash. The wife Molly (Tricia Helfer) finds herself alone in the car and tries to find her husband, coming across the guy in the road Jonah Greely (Winston Rekert) who is a ghost. She flees and, coincidentally finds Dean and Sam.

I love this episode simply because of the heartwenching twist ending. After Sam burns Greely's bones, Molly believes her husband is dead. The Winchester's tell her he's alive and taker her to him, at his home, with his second wife. Greely wasn't the only ghost on the highway, Molly is also dead.

The revelation that Molly is dead and has to move on to be at peace is one of the saddest moments in TV history, if not TV AND film. I think I need to update my top fifteen saddest moments next Valentine's Day. The whole episode as a whole was great, don't get me wrong, but it's the ending that truly makes this episode.

3. Dead in the Water (1.03)

Sam and Dean learn that a very experienced swimmer has drowned and the body was never recovered. Upon investigating they learn that there were more unexplained drownings and an unusual drowning...in the kitchen sink.

This is one of your standard revenge stories, though the ghost behind it is a kid who just wants to inflict the same pain that his mother suffered. The episode has a fantastic story which keeps you guessing, as well as seeing a different aspect to Dean's character.

2. Ghostfacers (3.13)

Let's face it, Ed Zeddmore (A. J. Buckley) and Harry Spangler (Travis Wester)  make this episode, the actors are truly spectacular and they are probably the funniest characters/moments in this episode.

That being said the entire episode is essentially a spoof of one of those ghost hunting television shows, with one example being that both Dean and Sam swear a lot more in the Ghostfacers pilot, with the swear words beeped out. Actually, they keep the Ghostfacers pilot and the Supernatural show separate, as the normal Supernatural opening credits don't appear until the Ghostfacers pilot finishes.

Following the Ghostfacers crew actually breathes a new lease of life into the show, and it's a brilliant episode.

1. Hammer of the Gods (5.19)

That's right, this episode is my favourite. Sam and Dean take shelter at a random five star motel in the middle of a freak storm. It then turns out it's a trap set up by (Pagan) Gods, who plan to hold the Winchester's hostage to either Heaven or Hell.

I believe this is the first time that the show actually references other God's from different religions, and Lucifer kills them all with ease. I said it before, but I can't see the other religions getting behind this. Then again that's why I love it, the show took a huge risk and, in my opinion, it paid off.

The great Gabriel (Richard Speight Jr.) returns in this episode, originally to help free Dean and Sam from the Pagan Gods, though when his brother Lucifer arrives Gabriel hightails it, before returning (Persuaded by Dean) to stand up to his brother. Lucifer then kills Gabriel, an act which you can see he regrets doing.

This episode stands out a lot for me, mainly because of Lucifer killing all the other Gods and Gabriel, but mainly because it was such a brilliant episode. The Pagan Gods interacting with each other was superb, Dean and Sam trying to escape was great, the episode still had its sense of humor (Such as Dean walking pass the elephant in the room) and yet still retained the fact that it was the end of the world as we know it.




And there's my top twenty Supernatural episodes, sorry if it feels rushed I was in a hurry to get this out. I may edit this at a later date, but I hope for the time being you can get the gist of it. Heck, you do know which episodes I think are the best, so there's my mission done.

Coming up next, my one hundredth post!

Runner ups: Phantom Traveler (1.04), Asylum (1.10), Route 666 (1.13), Hell House (1.17), Provenance (1.19), Playthings (2.11), Nightshifter (2.12), Bedtime Stories (3.05), Yellow Fever (4.06), Swan Song (5.22)