The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Ah the Simpsons. Probably the first thing to introduce me to America. Or at least one of the earliest. No-one can deny the impact it had on our lives. It has witty, satire, clever humour, it has some of the most memorable and fascinating characters, and the episodes generally had a point. They were unique, they were interesting, they had a message. And it won't go away. There's also no denying that the newer episodes, for me it was...season eleven onwards that it started to waver. We're now on season 24, and I think another season has been commissioned.

Anyway, the movie. After finding Lake Springfield is highly polluted, Lisa Simpson (Yeardley Smith) badgers the town into cleaning it up. However Homer (Dan Castellaneta) dumps an overflowing silo (of feces) into the lake, causing the head of the Environmental Protection Agency Russ Cargill (A. Brooks) to trap the town in a giant dome to contain the pollution. Can the Simpsons save Springfield?

Yes, it's a Lisa-centric story. Sort of. It follows the Simpsons as a whole, but the plot is Lisa shoving the environmental message down our throats. I'll say this now, Lisa is my least favourite Simpsons character. Oh, her episodes have the moral teachings, which are important, it's the way Lisa portrays that message. She continuously preaches the messages, she attacks anyone who disagrees with her, the best example was her BBQ rampage in 'Lisa the Vegetarian', she basically forces everyone to say she's right.

But this time it wasn't just Lisa shoving the environmental message down our throats, the message has been shoved down our throats long before 'The Simpsons Movie' came out, what with global warming and the carbon footprint. It was already a dated issue. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a cleaner environment, but continuously telling us to do this and to do that over and over and over and over again, it pisses people off. Not only that, we once again get the strained relationship between Bart (Nancy Cartwright) and Homer.The film doesn't explore anything new, it doesn't challenge itself, it just goes over issues raised multiple times in the television show; including Lisa the Tree Hugger, 'The Wife Aquatic', 'Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish', 'The Old Man and the Lisa', and 'Brawl in the Family'.

Along with that, once again, Simpsons history has been re-written. In the past we were able to shrug off minor changes, but after what must be the fifth, I repeat, FIFTH different wedding for Homer and Marge, we just know that the writers don't give a crap about consistency or history anymore.

That being said, this film is a prime example of the new age Simpsons; the comedy, it's not really that good. It doesn't even start off that well with Homer literally telling the audience they're "a giant sucker". And, I don't care if it's animated or real, I don't want to see a ten year old's penis. They are some funny bits and some memorable things, one involving a pig and the ceiling (Which may or may not have become annoying), another involving Cargill's view on having power, and the other involving multiple jabs. I recently re-watch the 'South Park' movie, and pretty much every joke in that is still hilarious, the jokes in 'The Simpsons Movie' will be hard to remember a day or two later.

The animation is a lot sharper than pre-movie episodes, which, can be a good thing the characters flow a lot better. Hair flows in the air better, characters interact with objects a lot better, there's a lot more emotion in the animation. But, in a way I prefer the old animation style, it's a personal thing really, I'm probably more used to the old style. It's also an indicator that it's the modern Simpsons rather than the old (and better) episodes. The voice acting, I have to say, is virtually the same from the TV series, which, I suppose is still good. There are some moments which seem off, particularly with Lisa in the motel; I think it's more the animation doesn't match up.

The majority of the characters who appeared in the show also appear in the film. And that's actually a bad thing. It feels like they're trying to squeeze in as many characters, even those who only appeared in one or two episodes. And a majority of them don't even have a line, so they're just there, not really doing much. They don't really add any funny moments either, nor are they as good as they were in the TV series.

There are three new characters though, Russ Cargill, President Schwarzenegger (Hank Azaria), and Colin (Tress McNeille). Cargill is the best character, he's a lot of fun to follow, he's interesting, he's memorable, and has some of the best lines in the film. He also reminds us (A lot, mainly the same voice actor) of Hank Scorpio from You Only Move Twice.

The original family though are mere shadows of themselves from ten years ago. Homer was, we'll admit, not the brightest tool in the shed, but he was caring, he knew the difference between right and wrong, Marge (Julie Kavner) was extremely passionate about protecting her family, Lisa was the voice of reason, Bart was the bad boy who knew when enough was enough, and Maggie...was Maggie. She's a baby. Homer is now a complete idiot who does things for his own selfish needs with no thought of the consequences, Marge consistently nags believing she is right and everyone else is wrong, Lisa wants everyone to succumb to her will, and Bart has thrown bad boy out the window and gone into attempted murder(!) but is "misunderstood", and Maggie...is pretty much the only smart one left.

President Schwarzenegger is also a laugh, obviously because the character is spoofing then-Senator Arnold Schwarzenegger. But since he sounds an awful lot like Rainier Wolfcastle, it would have been more satirical to have him as President. Colin though, is a bland character. He serves as Lisa's love interest. Or rather crush interest, he's never mentioned outside the film again. He's basically a male Lisa, but the character fails because he sounds so boring. Any jokes that involve him fall flat; one of the jokes was that he says his father is Bono, simply because he's an Irish musician, I've no idea why that would be funny. He doesn't add anything to the film, if you took him out literally nothing will have changed. Oh, and Medicine Woman (Tress McNeille), whose only joke is that she has big boobs.

'The Simpsons Movie' isn't all that great. Overall it just feels like an extended or multipart episode than an actual movie. It feels like the plot is plodding along rather than flowing. On top of that the creators didn't push the boundaries, it feels dated, in particular the jokes, which weren't really that funny to begin with. Again it's got some funny moments, but a lot of dull ones, kind of the reverse of the older episodes. It's one of those films which you'll like less and less each time you watch it. My advice, watch it once, then never again.

Ghosts of Sherwood (2012)

Don't we all love the story of Robin Hood? The rogue bowman, the handsome outlaw, standing up for what he believes is right and rebelling against the oppressors of the common people. I guess the main reason people like him is the old poor vs rich scenario, the poor people are the good ones and the rich people are the evil and cruel bastards. Because no honorable person wants to be rich, money doesn't make you happy. Though driving a Ferrari is a lot better than a Vauxhall Corsa.

And so we have 'Ghosts of Sherwood', or as it's better known by, 'Robin Hood: Ghosts of Sherwood'. Robin (Martin Thon) rescues Maid Marion (Ramona Kuen) from a band of...bandits. Robin tells Marion of his gang and their fight against the Sheriff (Tom Savini. Yes, THAT Tom Savini), who is also Marion's cousin. Some hostilities occur and Robin and most of his Merry Men are killed. Marion and Little John (Kane Hodder, yes, the same Kane Hodder who played Jason Vorhees in some 'Friday the 13th' films) seek to bring him back to life, however they instead conjure Robin and co as zombies, and must now fight their friends to stop them from threatening the world.

That's what the back of the DVD says. The problem is that for a large part of this film, that doesn't happen. This film had such a good concept, but it screws it up. We could have seen some reluctant alliances with the Sheriff, the conflict of fighting the ones you love, Hell, throw in the 'love turns zombies back into humans' thing, actually explore the story. It's zombies in the medieval era for God's sake!

No, for the most part, the film focuses on Robin and Marion, which would have been good if they actually did something. Basically the main concept, Robin leading a band of Merry Undead, comes into the film in the last ten or fifteen minutes. Some of the run time is about the conflicting morality of Robin and Marion, and I'm sure a large part of the film is for character development, the only problem is the dialogue is so mundane and the characters themselves so remote, dull, and contradicting, it's hard to get into it.

And believe me when I say the characters bare little to no resemblance to the idea of Robin Hood. Let's take Robin, what's the main thing we know about him? He's a brilliant archer, quite possibly the best in the world. This Robin Hood, hardly uses a bow. And when he does he sucks at it. In fact, he only uses a bow three times; the third time when he's undead. One of Marion's line was "Leave the bow behind. I don't want you accidentally shooting me when rescuing me". HE'S ROBIN FUCKING HOOD! He should be able to shoot a fly off the tip of your tongue, while blindfolded, and looking in the opposite direction!

And you know you've done something wrong when you portray the Sheriff as the good guy! Seriously! The characters say the Sheriff is evil and a cruel, uncaring man, and yet the only time we see this is when he's torturing prisoners who stole from him! He sent soldiers to escort Marion, he has a laugh when practicing sword fighting with a guard, he has concerns for Marion's well being, not once do we see him actually do anything bad. Marion says he didn't give a toss about the passing of his wife, simply because mention her in a letter. Here's some points to counteract that; he was in shock, he was denial, he didn't want to talk about it, he mourned in private, he didn't want to talk about it in a letter, there are some reasons why he didn't mention her in one bloody letter.

In fact, it's Robin, Marion, and the Merry Men (All three of them) who I didn't really like. Marion was a stuck up cow who says one thing and does another, and doesn't seem to mind anything which others would think is the work of the Devil (Then again neither does anyone else). Friar Tuck (Kai Borchardet) came off as a dick whose actions got TWO innocent people's heads dunked into a water barrel. Will Scarlet (Dennis Zachmann) came off as arrogant, and Little John only turned up twenty minutes before the end! Granted, I liked Little John, he actually brought a fair few lines of humorous dialogue into this film.

Then again maybe the acting is the reason why I don't like our supposed heroes. The acting is awful. Even worse than 'The Covenant', at least the acting talent in 'The Covenant' didn't sound dubbed. Well, most of 'The Covenant' cast didn't sound dubbed anyway. The only real saving graces were Savini and Hodder, who actually attempted to put some life into their roles. Savini however appears in about ten minutes screen time altogether, and Hodder appears to be holding back at times as well.

And the effects, dear lord. At best they're on par with Asylum productions, at worse they're some of the worse to ever set foot in cinematic history. That being said, the make-up is alright. Nothing spectacular, but not bad, per se. Although a lot of the time, particularly for when someone gets hit with an arrow, the film cuts away for a second before returning to the previous shot to show whatever make-up has been applied.

I was expecting a 'so bad it's good' film, what I got...was kind of that. Believe me, it's horrendous. The story is crap, the plot arrives late, the acting is a travesty, the effects must have been done from Windows movie maker, the characters are irritating bores, and the dialogue is some of the most mundane pieces ever written in the history of scripts. BUT, I do think you need to check it out. It's one that needs to truly be seen to be believed. My review, barely scratches the surface of this film.