Jack and Jill (2012)

Now, let me start this off by saying that I do like Adam Sandler. Kind of. I first saw him in ‘Happy Gilmore’ back in school during a ‘last day of the school year’ sort of thing, and I did like that film. I thought it was funny, I thought the characters were well rounded, and it was wonderfully acted. Of course, if I look back now I’ll probably hate it, just like most of what he’s done after ‘Happy Gilmore’.

Don’t get me wrong, I do like ‘The Waterboy’, ‘The Longest Yard’, ‘Anger Management’ and I even sort of liked ‘You Don’t Mess with the Zohan’, but Sandler does effectively play the same character over and over and over again. And I also hate ’50 First Dates’, ‘Grown Ups’, ‘Spanglish’ and ‘I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry’. Hell I can make a drinking game based on the clichés Sandler now puts into his movies.

But, now that Sandler has his own production company, he can just continue to spit out these films, keeping his buddies in work. Oh, and giving himself main character status in about half his films. So what can we expect from ‘Jack and Jill’?...Adam Sandler in drag...I’ll let you think about that for a second.

Let’s go before the film even starts and look at the poster, because, like ‘The Dilemma’, you can tell this film is going to suck. Seriously, take a look at it.

 

Wow. I mean, look at that. The first thing we see is that the credits take up almost two-thirds of this poster, it just shows how much imagination was put into this poster. Then we see Adam Sandler at the top left corner...you know what, I don’t even know what the expression is. Seriously, what is that expression? Is that annoyance? Is that a forced smile? Is he angry? What the Hell is he doing?! We then look to the bottom right corner where...oh dear God. That’s the thing that will dominate my nightmares for the next few years.

So let’s get to the plot. We follow Jack Sadelstein (Sandler), his wife Erin (Katie Holmes), his daughter Sofia (Elodie Tougne) and his adopted son Gary (Rohan Chand). And the only reason why I think they said Gary was adopted, was because no-one would believe that he was Sandler’s biological son. Anyway, they have to contend with Jack’s twin sister Jill (Also played by Sandler), as she initially stays for Thanksgiving, then forever. This culminates in the family trying to find a man for Jill, where she then gets stalked by Al Pacino (Himself).

Yeah, Al bloody Pacino is in this film, where we see him lust after Jill. That isn’t just embarrassing to watch, but humiliating for a man of Al Pacino’s status. He does give a decent performance, though I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t, and does give us an emotional scene, but it still doesn’t excuse why he’s in this. Though when Pacino sees the donut advert he was roped in, he says “No-one can see this” and that “all copies must be destroyed”. I like to think that he was talking about the film in general rather than the TV advert.

But Al Pacino isn’t the only big name to be in this. With the exception of Katie Holmes, whom I’ll talk about in a minute, we also have Shaquille O’Neal losing what’s left of his dignity after ‘Kazaam’, martial arts adventure actor Billy Blanks, and Johnny Depp. Yes, Johnny Depp is in this film. What the Hell is he doing in this piece of crap? Did he have some fines he needed paying? What made him think that having a cameo in a film where Adam Sandler dresses in drag was a good move? Then again I’m pretty sure I didn’t see his name come up in the credits, so he wanted his name stricken from the records.

Oh, and of course, Sandler’s friends pop up. Rob Schneider is in there and, oh God David Spade. Why? Why would you do this? You actually have a pretty decent career, why the Hell would you play an obese unbearable woman? Well done, you’re career is now over.

Now, the acting. It’s bad, really bad. I really don’t know what to say apart from that. Katie Holmes basically looked bored and had no idea what she was doing. Any supporting actors were underwhelming, particularly Eugenio Derbez who, like Sandler, not only played a guy, but played a female family member too.

Sandler himself was just awful, so awful that at this year’s Razzie Award ceremony, he’s been nominated not only for Worst Actor, but Worst Actress. Even though we know the premise of the film is to see Sandler in drag, even though we’ve seen it on the poster, when we first see Sandler in drag at the airport in the film, it still made my jaw drop to the floor.

Sandler’s portrayal of Jill is just downright insulting to the female gender. In its defence, any male portraying a female is an insult to the female gender. Don’t believe me? The ‘Big Momma’s House’ franchise, as well as David Spade in this film. Jill constantly whines, has a really stupid voice, doesn’t at all act like a member of the human race, let alone a girl. She constantly insults others, she has a toddler tantrum if she doesn’t get her way, and then she overstays her welcome. The second she appears in the film I mean, not when she refuses to leave Jack and his family. And she wonders why people/the audience don’t like her.

And then we have the kids, and yes, this was their first film, and it shows. Tougne wasn’t particularly bad, per se, but Chand, I really wanted someone to punch him in the face. Remember my ‘Top 10 Most Annoying Child Actor Performances’ list? This kid is the new number one, he’s that abysmal. So congratulations to Mackintosh Muggleton and Imogen Poots, you two resulting in the deaths of Europe, the Middle East, Asia and Africa is better than dealing with Chand.

You know what? Everyone is upstaged by the guy who stands in the cruise toilets and alters Jack’s/Jill’s boobs. And he’s only in the film for about a minute! For two scenes! He was the best thing this film had.

Bizarrely there was this point where Jill wasn’t getting any dates off the online dating site, so Jack posts a link to Craig’s List. And the film, lead by Chand, seems to think this is a bad thing. Not really, all Jack does is advertise Jill’s profile to a more widespread audience. I can’t even think of a reason why this was a bad thing. If it was because of weirdoes using Craig’s List, yeah, I’m pretty sure there aren’t any weirdoes who use online dating sites.

And the bottom line for this film is; this film isn’t funny. I have never been to see a comedy at the cinema, and not heard the audience even giggle. I’ve seen loads of comedies which are bad, which still managed to get a giggle, the only laughs that were heard when I saw the film, was when myself and the Whally openly, and loudly, mocked the film.

Some of these bad jokes involve the ‘one twin feeling the pain of the other’ theory, where Jack manipulates Jill into slapping herself, until Gary punches her in the face.

Gary: “Did you feel that Daddy?”

Jack: “I did feel something, pride in my son,”

Me: “Violence from children. We condone it!”

Then there’s Felipe’s (Derbez) catchphrase of sorts; where he effectively says some random thing like “My family illegally crossed the border” or “We’re gonna rob white folk” before saying “I’m kiiiiiiidiiiiiiing!”. And he does this about ten million times throughout the film. For the love of God, that joke IS NOT FUNNY!

And the film seems to think that racist attitudes against Jews, Blacks, Mexicans, Indians, and the whole human race in general is funny. No. No it isn’t. It’s gravely offensive. And toilet humour is funny...back in 1977. They also seem to think that incest is funny. No seriously, the film gives that impression during the opening when a younger Jill gets jealous when Jack is getting attention from other girls, and Jill's really creepy expression when she gets too close for comfort when Jack is sleeping. Look at the photo and see for yourself.

 

So, yeah, this film is complete and utter garbage. The characters are either bland or infuriating, the plot is stupid, the acting is abysmal, and the jokes just aren’t funny! I’m expecting this film to win in every category at the Razzie’s, and if it isn’t the worst film I see this year, something went terribly wrong.