Top 10 Worst Films of 2011

And now it’s time for my top ten worst films of 2011. Okay, for the first five it really is just bad luck for them since I didn’t find them bad, they were just unlucky because I haven’t seen worse films. Maybe if I saw films like ‘The Smurfs’ or ‘Alvin and the Chipmunks 3: Chipwrecked’, well I say maybe it would’ve pushed two of the films out of the list.

But I didn’t, so let’s get started!

10. Johnny English: Reborn

Again, it’s quite unlucky for this film to be on the top ten worst films of 2011, but it’s just I saw better films. I certainly didn’t really want to put this film on here, but out of all the films I saw come out this year, this was one of the blandest.

Like the ‘Sherlock Holmes’ films from Guy Ritchie, I don’t really love or hate the ‘Johnny English’ films, they’re just a bit bland. There are some funny moments, but nothing majorly funny.

It was just unlucky that I didn’t go see a film like ‘Twilight: Breaking Dawn part 1’...or is that lucky? I don’t know. This film is in here only because I had to fill the quota.

9. Contagion

The weakness to this film is the plot, or rather the way they address the plot. The multiple stories was just confusing and hard to follow. That and most of the actors didn’t really feel like doing a good job.

And worst of all, Jude Law’s character. I suppose in a way it was a good thing because we’re suppose to hate him, but he was so infuriating and he had a pointless tooth deformity which didn’t come up unless you had close ups of his mouth.

But, again, it was still a powerful film which was why it was made.

8. New Year’s Eve

Yeah I’m surprised this ended up at number eight too. The review for this was three posts ago so you can see my feelings from that. But a quick summary, like Contagion this film had too many plots, and so the flow of the film kept being broken up. There was even a point in the cinema where I just said out loud, without thinking, “Resolve a plot point!”...and people in the cinema agreed.

But, for some bizarre reason I still enjoyed it. I wanted things to work out for these people and me and my friend decided to go to New York next year for New Year’s to see the ball drop. Whether it will happen, I don’t know, but the film was pretty adequate.

7. Battle: Los Angeles

Okay, where should I start? Aliens come to Earth, and they’re not friendly. They attack, destroying cities and Los Angeles is about to fall, but for some reason the US Army CANNOT allow Los Angeles to fall. Have you noticed how everything seems to happen in Los Angeles?

Some pretty awful acting, some pretty lousy and cliché characters and the screenplay could’ve been better. But I still liked it. I suppose it’s because, again, I like big climatic battles and that’s what this film is, one huge battle. It could’ve been shorter though.

6. Season of the Witch

Nicholas Cage, why did you do this film? The plot is okay, but everything else was just terrible. The acting wasn’t as good as it could’ve been, the effects were bad, and the characters were forgettable. I can only remember Nicholas Cage and Ron Perlman...and that’s only because they were our main characters and big names.

But I could’ve forgiven the film for that, if it wasn’t such a bore. You’d think for a film where a woman is possessed by demons or something would be at least entertaining. But no, this film is bland and forgettable. It’s not really unlucky that I haven’t seen any worse films, it’s unlucky because it could have been so much better.

5. Rise of the Planet of the Apes

The title of the film was a lie. There was no rise! I suppose it’s the start of the rise, but it would’ve been good to at least see the apes take over one city maybe, rather than disappear into the forest with apes from the zoo for some reason also being smart.

Apart from that the characters were forgettable and the acting was bad. Everyone was just half-arsed and couldn’t be bothered with what they were doing. Except Andy Serkis. In the film’s defence the effects were great, but not enough to save the film.

4. The Roommate

Oh my God this film! The unofficial remake of ‘Single White Female’ only had one good feature, but I’ll get back to that in a minute. The acting overall is awful! Terribly, terribly awful! Especially the lead female (the good one), where she was just extremely bland and annoying.

The only good thing was Leighton Meester, who was brilliant as the villain. No matter what people’s opinions on the movie were, whether they hated it or...for some reason loved it, they all say that Meester was perfect as the villain Rebecca.

But the plot overall was just a rip off. And there was one point where the villain and the...main character meet a previous victim of Rebecca’s stalking, does she warn main character about her? Hell no!

And it has a really stupid ending, you’d think Rebecca’s still alive, but nope. Main character and boyfriend move a bed out of a room. Thanks for such a pointless ending!

3. Mega Python vs. Gatoroid

In defence, the Asylum normally creates such films because they know people will buy them; they know the market is out there. And I do like Debbie Gibson, I think she’s actually a pretty good actress. Can’t say the same for everyone else though.

The plot is quite awful though. Hippies (led by Gibson) break out an unknown species of snakes and release them into a swamp, before criticising the ranger (Tiffany) for interefering with nature. You introduced an unknown species to a new environment you moron! You’ve already disrupted the balance of nature! And Tiffany’s response to the chaotic snakes? Make huge alligators of course!

The effects, acting, plot and dialogue are awful, but they are pretty standard for an Asylum production.

2. Sucker Punch

This is a marmite film, you either love it or hate it. I hate it. I thought the acting was awful, the effects were really fake and the plot was just awful. It did just seem like nearly two hours of nothing happening.

The only good bit I really enjoyed was one of the giant shogun warriors towards the start kicking...(checks IMDB) Babydoll (Emily Browning) in the face. In fact, why did half the cast have stupid names? Why was the brunette called Blondie? Why was Babydoll called Babydoll? Why was Sweat Pea called Sweat Pea? Why did it look like Vanessa Hudgens had a bigger part then she actually did? You get the picture.

I just thought it was an awful film, but what film can be worst than this, the Asylum’s contender, and the Single White ripoff?

1. The Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence

Oh yeah! This Goddamn film! Why did the BBFC (the British Board of Film Certification to those who don’t know) allow this film to be released, when they said no amount of cuts would be sufficient?

The film, set in the UK, which I’m pretty sure is just a coincidence, looks at a big fat guy having an obsession over The Human Centipede. That’s right, the first film. I thought that was actually a pretty good thing to do, but that’s where it ends.

The acting is awful, the plot is crap, the effects are just stupid (there’s a point where someone shits over the camera, a metaphor from the film I’m sure, saying “Hey audience! Take this!”). Tom Six, there is a difference between a film not being real, and “What the Fu*k is wrong with you?”. I feel dirty just for watching it.

You know what, there’s so much stuff I want to talk about in this film, so I’m going to do a review on it. Crap that means I have to do the first one. Just take my word for now, or go see Phelous’ reviews.

And there’s my top ten worst films of 2011, sorry if it felt rushed but I didn’t have time as I need to go sort stuff out for tonight. At least you have the Human Centipede films to look forward to!

Happy New Year people! See you in 2012.