Scarecrow Gone Wild (2004)

Apologies first of all, I’m suffering a bit of a problem with the internet at my house so reviews may come along left, right and centre in order to accomplish my normal eight posts per month. Or I might post any backlog next month, we’ll see what happens. Anyway, onto this post. So. There’s a third Scarecrow film. Again, there will be spoilers.

After the opening kill girl who fails to spot the Scarecrow despite being on an elevated haystack in the middle of a clearing, we find a group of jocks and their girlfriends hazing a group of students who want to join the…football team I think. However Sam (Caleb Roehrig) has a fit because of a medical condition and punches one of the girls in the face. The jocks therefore tie him to the Scarecrow, and apparently don’t leave until it turns into night. Sam falls into a coma and becomes the Scarecrow, once again going onto a murder spree.

And once again I have to go into the legend of the Scarecrow, since, again, the Scarecrow has come to life before, but ‘Scarecrow Gone Wild’ does NOT reference the previous films! Is it too hard to mention Lester? Or Dave? Or Karl? Coach (Played by former WWE/F wrestler Ken Shamrock) says that the reason he doesn’t want his team hazing people at the cornfield (That’s right, this Scarecrow is once again in a cornfield), because a hazing he did went wrong and unleashed the Scarecrow. Apparently all Scarecrows can do this. I don’t really have a problem with him dealing with a previous Scarecrow, it’s just, when asked how he stopped it, he replies “You can’t”, which means that there should be ANOTHER Scarecrow running around.

Also, if Sam is in a coma, then that means he CAN’T BE THE SCARECROW. You can only become the Scarecrow if you die, a coma means you’re still alive. Sam being the Scarecrow makes less sense than the Dave Scarecrow going on a murder spree. At least I can kind of see why Sam Scarecrow goes on a murder spree, he feels that everyone has betrayed him, most of all the best friend, Jack (Mathew Linhardt) who goes out with the girl, Beth (Samantha Asling) he knows Sam fancies.

And I suppose at least they stick with the dominant Scarecrow personality point that the second film raises. I do actually like how the film reverses the role at one, where the Scarecrow possesses Jack for…insert reason here, but then the Scarecrow possessed Jack somehow gains electrokinesis, again, for insert reason here. And then the Scarecrow decides to possess Jack, for insert reason here. I do love how whoever wrote the Wikipedia article put “and he does the most logical thing, he impales himself”. Not only that but this Scarecrow has teleportation powers! Which, I guess all Scarecrows have since the Lester Scarecrow randomly teleported at one point. Oh, and the Sam Scarecrow has a weird obsession with whistling.

Oh God look at me, I’ve declared myself an expert on the Scarecrow mythos. Let’s go onto something else shall we? The plot, okay, it’s your normal ‘Scarecrow’ film plot, someone dies (Or should have) and becomes the Scarecrow and goes on a murder spree. Not much has changed. There are the stereotypical jocks, the…somewhat social outcast, the…girls who are somehow in education. Speaking of which the main girl, Samantha, has an ex-brother-in-law, Ray (Jeff Rector), who is somewhat very fond of staying in touch with his ex-sister-in-law. The reason why he’s an ex relative is because he cheated on his wife with a nurse who apparently is contracted to show her boobs whenever she’s not in uniform. It just seemed odd, I think it would have been okay if he was her father and he cheated on ‘s mother (Not that I’m condoning adultery, I feel cheating is wrong no matter what) and he wanted to stay in touch with his daughter, but as an ex brother-in-law, it just seemed creepy.

The acting, when I look back at the previous two films, is actually pretty good. That’s not to say that the acting is great though, I mean, Toby Young in the first film was still the better outcast, but the acting compared to the other two, isn’t that bad. It’s not Roxanne Bine bad I’ll give the film that. But the film is still a career killer though, this is Caleb Roehrig’s ONLY acting role.

The effects, hmm. At least they’re not as stupid looking as the effects in ‘Scarecrow Slayer’. Well, except the sausages they used for intestines. That being said, the effects are still bad. Especially the electrokinesis. But here’s the thing, every single death is off screen. Well, the killing blow anyway. I am not even kidding. It’s as if they didn’t have the budget for on screen deaths.

Is it as enjoyable as the first ‘Scarecrow’?...Actually, yes. If not more so. I’d probably still name the first ‘Scarecrow’ as my favourite of the three, but this one is actually still entertaining. Is it a good film? Oh God no, but like the first film it’s so much fun to watch. There’s so much awfulness in this film; the acting, the effects, the dialogue, the flaws. There is one point when two characters run along the beach with the ocean on their right, and when we next meet up with them the ocean is now on their left, the group go to the cornfield during the middle of the day and yet they haven’t done much progress when night has fallen, why don’t the group take Sam to a proper hospital instead of one which hasn’t even been built yet? This and more will confuse you. And this film has one of the best moments in cinema history; Mike (David Zelina) throwing a bag at a random student while in a moving car.

This film is a huge improvement on the second one. Kind of. You know how much I liked the first one and how much I hated the second one, so the third film really is that entertaining, and is on par to being the ‘so bad it’s good’ film of 2004. If you’ve stuck with the other two films, I recommend you definitely watch this one. Hell, watch all three in one night with a group of people and drinks, it’ll be the funniest night of your lives.

Scarecrow Slayer (2004)

You know how I said the original 'Scarecrow' was entertainingly bad? Yeah, this one was just....eurgh. In 'Scarecrow Slayer', Dave (Brett Erickson, a guy who doesn't even have a Wikipedia page) and his friend Karl (David Castro) try to steal a scarecrow as a fraternity prank. The farmer, Caleb (Played bizarrely by Tony Todd) sees them and, thinking it's the Scarecrow that killed his father thirty-five years before come back to life, shoots and kills Dave. Dave's soul transports into the Scarecrow and goes on a rampage, with his ultimate goal being to transfer his girlfriend Mary's (Nicole Kingston in her first major role debut) into another zombie. There will be spoilers in this, mainly because of a lot to moan at.

Now, this is not a direct sequel to 'Scarecrow'. It's a sequel, but it does not mention anything from the first film. Unless the film takes place thirty-five years after Lester's rampage, which means that since the first film takes place in 1987, this film takes place in the year 2022. And Lester killed the farmer (who let his cornfield wither into nothing) who bought it from the farmer in the first film, or the farmer from the first film changed skin colour and popped out a son.

I wouldn't be making a big deal out of this, but apparently this has happened before Lester. Heck, this is apparently so well known, Caleb is a well known expert on killer scarecrows (Though the world still mocks him) and Karl himself mentions it's frequent in Greek mythology. While I'm more of an Ancient Egyptian fan, I don't recall any killer scarecrows in Greek mythology. But I still decided to double check, and if you google Greek myths about scarecrows you'll come across this article from the Telegraph news outlet about the Eurozone crisis (http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/finance/ambroseevans-pritchard/100017280/drachma-scarecrows-and-the-myths-of-greek-exit/). Oh, and some information about a Greek God who has a large penis, whose statues acted as scarecrows.

But the film still doesn't make sense. Lester at least had a reason to kill the whole town, Dave in this apparently thinks "Huh, I'm a scarecrow. Well, time to go a murdering". Caleb seems to suggest that there's a dominant scarecrow personality which takes over, which kind of makes sense with the previous film since Lester does struggle with the Scarecrow personality when he was about to kill his mother, but the killing spree Dave embarks on still makes no sense.

The dialogue in this was just stupid, horrendous, down right awful. One scene in particular jumps out. When Dave falls after climbing a fence (Because he apparently has trouble climbing over a two foot fence) his camera falls off his head. This apparently breaks it. The crew back at the fraternity, or rather the gadget guy, moans about how the visual on the camera, and says "It must be the rain". I had to rewind this bit a couple of times to make sure I heard it right. But no, he and others  distinctly say "rain". The reason why this doesn't make sense is simple; THERE'S NO RAIN. There's some thunder later, but no rain. It would have made sense if they said 'range', but no, 'rain' was apparently more appropriate. Then later when a cop is asked if a patient is alright, the cop replies "No. She's an inch away from dead", and yes, he does say a 'd' at the end of that line. Don't you mean "She's an inch away from death"? WHO WROTE THIS?

Bill Cunningham, David Michael Latt, and Joel Newman all have writing credits on IMDB. The opening credits say it was based on an idea by Cunningham, but the screenplay was written by the other two. So basically three people wrote this, and yet it has the worst use of grammar and words I have ever seen in film. It seems only fitting that this was the last thing Cunningham wrote, Newman took a six year hiatus to before writing the slightly better rated 'Thirst', and Latt went on to pen most of the Asylum films. And yes, this IS an Asylum production. But what can I expect when this film is set around a US marine training base where the students have access to all sorts of weaponry (They don't even lock the weapons away, except the bazooka(!) that's in the basement), which apparently has a fraternity on base.

You know how I said the acting in the previous film wasn't that good but hilarious. Well two years the acting is WORSE and NOT hilarious. Everyone is about the same standard as Roxanne Bina, and yes, like the previous film, this is a career killer! The careers for David Castro, Jessica Mattson, Scott Carson, and Steven Glinn all found their careers ended shortly after this film, while Brett Erickson and Brendan Aucoin found themselves suffering a three/seven year hiatus shortly after starring in this film. Steven Shcultz as Gavin really is the only actor who is actually pretty decent, though he is portrayed as a prick by the other characters, even though he is really the only sensible on in this film.

Heck, even Todd Rex, the only returning actor from the first film, stopped appearing in films three years and two productions after this film. In the first film, you could actually tell he had a blast playing the Scarecrow, in this one, he looks so bored. Okay we can't see his face beneath the mask, but you can tell by his movements in 'Scarecrow Slayer' that he was so bored, I wouldn't have been surprised if he had no clue what he was doing. And I don't even know what Tony Todd (Who was also surprisingly a producer on this) was doing.

I haven't even gone over the main character yet, who is the most infuriating character I've gone over on this blog since Alex from 'Battleship'! Firstly she's apparently stupid enough to walk behind a reversing car (Though in her defence the driver should have also seen her since she was looking out the rear window). Then there's a later scene where Mary tells Sheila (Jessica Mattson) and Gavin about seeing the scarecrow, though she initially only cares about getting some clothes and has a go at Gavin since it was his prank that got Dave killed. Because, you know, Gavin apparently knew that Caleb was going to shoot someone THAT night. She doesn't even think that her car keys are with her old clothes back at the hospital, so when she gets back to her car, she's left stranded! Then she goes to Caleb's house, despite knowing that he was at the hospital, and despite seeing him get torn apart by the Goddamn scarecrow! Then to top it all off, when she finds Karl, she mentions that she DOESN'T EVEN MISS DAVE. Your boyfriend hasn't even been dead for half a day yet, and you say you don't miss him?! You fu*king bitch! Then again I might be able to respect her if she wasn't dressed as a hooker! Then again, in her defence, she isn't the only stupid character in this.

And then the effects. Oh God the effects. Probably one of the first film's major strengths was the lack of effects, or rather they went with more, um, physical effects rather than CGI/green screen. The use of CGI and green screen in this is, I admit it, it's probably the only source of hilarity in this. You know, when 'Scarecrow' had a pregnant woman in it, they at least put a ball under her clothes to make her look pregnant, in this one, we apparently have the skinniest seven month pregnant woman ever. But hell, even the editing in this was God awful. There weren't any multiple cuts to the same shot, but this included car headlights being driven symmetrical on the screen, in the sky, or both.

I suppose the only real saving grace was the end, in which we see Karl get killed and become a second Scarecrow, before fighting the Dave Scarecrow. The Karl Scarecrow fighting the Dave Scarecrow was actually pretty well thought out, even though it is hindered by the fact that the half the night shots are tinted blue for some reason (They are already filming at night, why tint it blue any more?), and half of it is filmed in the dark so we can't see the fight scenes.

I can kind of see why the original 'Scarecrow' warranted a sequel, it was a film which was brilliant in its awfulness. But this is what they decided to do with it? A confusing plot, the worst dialogue I've ever heard in a film, bland characters, laughable effects, horrendous acting, bad editing, just, everything was terrible. To be honest, you might enjoy this film in a group over drinks, but apart from that, this film was just God awful. But guess what? Apparently this warranted a THIRD film.

Scarecrow (2002)

You know what I realised, I've been doing this for a year, I need to do something for my one year anniversary!....Well, okay, my one year anniversary was actually in August so I should have done it with my one hundredth post...even though really the ninty-ninth post should really be the one year anniversary...screw it, this is my one year anniversary post! And like the one hundredth post, I need to do something special, ladies and gentlemen, 'Scarecrow'!

Here we find high school student Lester Dwervick (Played by Tim "I'm too old for this role" Young), who is pretty much the unluckiest guy alive. How I forgot about this guy when I did the top ten unluckiest bastards/bitches list I will never know, since pretty much everyone hates him. Well, okay I lie his mum and his love interest don't hate him. But seriously, the guy gets insulted by pretty much everyone else, even his teacher, who tells us his entire back story in like two lines.

Then there's the fact that he is constantly bullied by his fellow students, and his mother is being screwed by Super Mario. Wow Mario really has hit rock bottom. I'm not entirely sure what his actual character name is, since the guy laughs so loud and Lester's mother (Played by....?) is so damn quiet. Lester fancies fellow student Judie (Played by well known scream queen/B movie actress Tiffany Shepis), who seems to be the only other decent human being in this town and stands up for him. However upon seeing Judie being kissed (Or rather forced upon) by his worst tormentor Chad (John Moore). Angry, he confronts Mario, who ends up chasing Lester into a cornfield and kills him. A year (According to the back of the DVD box anyway, though according to Chad it's been at least two months since he and Morgan (Jen Richy) have been going out) Lester returns as a scarecrow and proceeds to butcher the entire town.

And really who can blame him? I literally have no sympathy for anybody in this town, really the only people who don't bully Lester is Judie and his mother. He has the standard bully, but as I mentioned he's also bullied by his teacher, heck, even his boss doesn't give a rat's ass about him. Hell, at the funeral only Judie and the gravedigger (Played by....?) are shown being present! Not even his mother is shown being there!

And this town is apparently the capital of kids growing up to become serial killers. Don't believe me? Well obviously there's Lester, and two kids who were throwing rocks at Lester in Scarecrow form, who are also idiots since they don't know why a scarecrow is called a scarecrow (there's a clue in the name) and apparently think the chest is called a face, anyway as they leave one says "Let's find a small animal to torture"(!). Also the cornfield is where all the cool kids hang out. Really Lester/Scarecrow is the only likeable character, and even then you wonder why when he starts killing people you haven't seen in the film before. He even kills the likeable Gravedigger character through the power of slow motion!

The acting in this is bad. Really, really bad. Tiffany Shepis, Tim Young and Todd Rex are the only real highlights. Shepis gives a better than average performance, Young actually does a decent job at playing the outcast, and Rex does a great job as the Scarecrow. Then again I think all Rex does is flip around the films set since I'm pretty sure the voice we hear is not his real one. Richard Elfman...or Astride Sumatra apparently (Well to be honest I'd give a fake name for the credits in this too) and Jason Simon also give adequate performances as Sheriff Patterson and Eddie Barclay respectively, but everyone else...*shudders.

I don't even know who to start with. How about all of them? With the exception of those I've already mentioned, no-one else seemed that bothered with the film. No-one gave any hint of emotion, no-one thought at all about what was going on in the scene when they delivered their lines. The worse one was Roxanna Bina (Who plays Stephanie), wow was she bad. Even her screaming was awful. Hell, the acting in this film was so bad, it effectively ended careers. Indeed, there's quite a few people in this film who only have this film on their filmography, or they only starred in one or two more productions since this film, including Roxanna Bina, John Moore, Jen Richey, Jason Simon, and Sonja Ecker. This film is officially a Career Killer.

I also feel I have to mention this. The film is set in 1987. Apparently.Well, the last half is if it's set a year after Lester's death which, according to the newspaper during a montage, was reported on Monday the 19th August 1986. And apparently even the school don't give a damn about Lester, as the headline reads 'Emerald Grove Youth Takes His Own Life - Graduation Proceeds as Planned'. That's effectively "Move along, nothing to see here". Also if you actually read the article, it talks about a killer scarecrow and has backward writing. Although this does raise a question about if graduation proceeds as normal and Lester is resurrected a year later, why are the..."high school" students STILL at high school? But apparently time has passed, since Lester's mother has kicked out Mario and is now going out with another stereotypical redneck, and Morgan has Lester's old job. And apparently they stopped publishing the news after this day since Sheriff Patterson (Richard Elfman...or Astride Sumatra...whatever) is still reading it months/a year later.

The effects, I suppose are good for what this film is, but basically you can get what this film has down at your local joke shop. The editing though is some of the worst I've seen, with one scene the prime example, when Chad and Morgan are chatting in the car. The scene cuts into the same shot about five or six times, and the only thing I can think of was that it required multiple cuts. Did the two people involve really screw up the scene THAT much? And then there's all the pointless padding shots which just go on and on and on, as well as reusing shots. I thought only films made by the Asylum and whoever was behind 'Battleship' (Sorry I'll try and move on from that) reuse shots. Huh, this film was (partially) done the Asylum (At least according to IMDB and the opening credits). Weird.

And you know what? I love it.

This was the 'Birdemic'/'The Room' of 2002. It has been described as so bad it's good, and it really is. The acting is horrendous, the story is poor, the dialogue is awful, none of the characters (save the killer) are likeable, the puns in it will make James Bond blush, and yet, I am actually fond of this film. I can't really put my finger on why, I suppose it's because this film is just so hilariously bad and I love the villain. The villain is the perfect example of a 'tragic villain' and I do love those (If you remember). Then there's the energy the Scarecrow gives, and while the puns were bad, they were hilariously bad. This is not a good film, it's not even an okay film, but it is one of the most entertaining films I have seen in a long time.

And then there's the sequel..................s.