Barbie (2023)

 

So. My first thought was that 'The Lego Movie' has a lot to answer, for doesn't it? Although films based on toys have been done before, with the likes of 'Transformers', 'My Pet Monster', 'G.I. Joe', and...good God 'Garbage Pail Kids' getting the adaptation treatment, since Lego it seemed to kick off a bit more, such as the Lego spin offs and sequel, 'Jem and the Holograms', 'Uglydolls', 'Trolls', 'Playmobil', or that 'Bobbleheads' film no-one saw.

And so 'Barbie' becomes the latest toy to become a film. From the trailer, it didn't really seem like my sort of thing. I never played with Barbie, all I knew was that there was a Barbie doll, and a boyfriend Ken doll (both named after the creator's kids. Yes, really). Aside from that, I just didn't really like the concept. But there was something about this film which just drove people. Opening the same weekend as 'Oppenheimer' and creating the 'Barbenheimer' craze, while also causing a global shortage of pink paint, it also led to those saying the film was anti-man, and those who say "I think men in general would have to be a bit kinda snowflakey to suggest they're being assaulted by a Barbie movie". And yet it still went on to make over a billion dollars at the box office.

Must be doing something right surely?

So, in the...realm of Barbieland...right I'm starting off with this. They don't explain what Barbieland is

or how it really works. You have President Barbie (Issa Rae), Weird Barbie (Kate McKinnon - despite this NOT being her weirdest role to date. I stand by that comment, McKinnon's character in 'Ghostbusters' is weirder than Weird Barbie), Stereotypical Barbie (Margot Robbie), Supreme Court Barbies, etc, etc, a number of Ken's (Ryan Gosling, Simu Liu, Kingsley Ben-Adir, Ncuti Gatwa, to name some), and Allan (Michael Cera). They are all aware that they're dolls. The Mattel Corporation, led by Will Ferrell (who I think is reprising his role of President Business from 'The Lego Movie') in The Real World (which honestly felt more like a satire of the 1950s in the 2020s than the real world) is also aware of Barbieland and dolls from there. But no-one else knows.

This is despite the fact that it seems anyone can travel between the realms, as from Barbieland to Real World you go by car, then boat, then rocketship, then snowmobile, then roller skates. Then Real World to Barbieland is the same method in reverse. Venice Beach, Los Angeles is the connection between these places. Aren't half the people at Venice Beach on roller skates? Shouldn't there be a lot more humans finding themselves in the realm of Barbie?

But there seems to be some sort of psychic link between Barbieland and Real World, such as regarding Barbie's "malfunction" as the film calls it, and how Mattel exploits it, as a change in Barbieland seemingly infects the Real World almost immediately...by which point, why are there executives in charge of Mattel? It seems everything they do is controlled by Barbieland.

Whatever, anyway, so in the realm of Barbieland, where everything is perfect and full of Barbie

dreamhouses, is sunny all day, and is full of the most gorgeous people the planet Earth has to offer. Here, we have Stereotypical Barbie (the Margot Robbie one), who seems to tease Ken (the Ryan Gosling one), and has everything be perfect. And then suddenly she literally brings a party to a halt by asking if they think of death. Things get even worse when her imaginary shower and breakfast go awry, and then (GASP) her feet go flat!

I really don't understand the horror behind this. Do all Barbie doll feet just look like this?

And yes, "Barbie feet" on my web browser history does now look weird without context.

Worried by this malfunction, Weird Barbie (the Kate McKinnon one) tells Stereotypical Barbie she has to go to the Real World, find the girl playing with her (which raises further questions, is it one Barbie doll per Barbieland Barbie, in which case shouldn't there be a lot more Stereotypical Barbie's walking around, or does every Barbie doll connect to the one Barbieland Barbie? In which case no wonder she's screwed up having so many different people messing with her head), and fix the damage that has been caused.

I've already listed some issues I've had and, to be fair, again it's not really my sort of thing. The start, whilst paying homage to '2001: A Space Odyssey', made me think I was watching another prequel to 'Annabelle' rather than 'Barbie', before thinking I was in a film about a cult.

A story where creations meet their makers, or go to a world where their life has been a lie, isn't new. 'Toy Story', 'Last Action Hero', hell, there's an episode of Supernatural that does it. But it doesn't really work well here, as, again, it's not really explained how the relationship between Barbieland and The Real World works. It does get interesting with how the Real World affects Ken, but the length of the film actually starts to hamper this plot point, making it feel strained and tiresome.

Which is actually a shame because that's basically what the film is about...I think. Barbieland is too corny and perfect to feel real, yet it also shows the Barbie's (or Stereotypical Barbie, anyway) doesn't really take in consideration Ken's feelings. Meanwhile, the Real World, whilst showing that real life and expectations aren't perfect, just feels fake.

Maybe it's White Male Privilege, but I can't see the sexism taking place in 'Barbie' being a true reflection of the real real world. Men, and only men, being in charge of a company that creates dolls for girls, that, okay I can believe. Maybe it's a metaphor of Mattel originally not believing the Barbie doll would be successful (and, to be fair, props to Mattel for letting this film say they're run by greedy corporate shells). But guys openly heckling Barbie? With one prick slapping her arse and just...standing there, as Barbie turns round and punches him in the face? Did he...think it was a friend of his or something? What about the police officers who were "complimenting" on Barbie's outfits? Twice. I know there are prejudicial arseholes out there, I know sexism against women is terrible, but I just can't believe that this is suppose to be the real world. It's like if the head of the Spanish FA kissed one of the women footballers on the mouth after they won the World Cup............okay maybe it is a reflection of the real real world.

That being said, the story does have it's moments. The Narrator (voiced by Helen Mirren but I swear sounds more like Judi Dench) has some funny lines, and Allan has a cool scene late on, but for the most part I just felt it was plodding along. The acting, I certainly can't fault it, everyone just fills their roles to perfection, even if the characters themselves have weird quirks...still don't know why Will Ferrell had drum sticks in his important meeting. It seems some jokes require extensive history of Mattel's Barbie line, like which ones were discontinued (like the Midge doll (Emerald Fennell) due to being the "pregnant Barbie").

In the end, and I can't emphasise this enough after saying it a couple times already, this film just wasn't my thing. That being said, it isn't exactly a bad movie. The effects are good and do reflect differently depending on which realm we're in (certainly not The Flash bad), and it does give the impression it was written by people who care about the product, but the lack of new ideas (and those which are new aren't fully fleshed out), and somewhat preachy story just doesn't catch me. But the film isn't harmful, it's just...there. It exists. It's fine.