Triassic Attack (2010)

I like dinosaurs. Ever since I saw 'Jurassic Park', I loved that film and, even if the sequels were stupid, I still enjoyed them. Hell, I enjoyed 'The Dinosaur Project'. Learning about dinosaurs played a huge part of my childhood, so I'm always intrigued and excited by dinosaur films, even the ones which you'd expect to be bad.

This is a bad one.

Afraid that his culture is about to be literally bulldozed away, Dakota (Raoul Trujillo) "accidentally" (And by accidentally I mean on purpose, seriously most sources say accidentally) brings to life three dinosaur fossils; a Velociraptor, a Pteranodon, and the king of the dinosaurs himself, the Tyrannosaurus Rex. His nephew Jake (Steven Brand) must stop them from killing everything in sight while keeping his ex-wife Emma (Kirsty Mitchell), her new squeeze Richmond (Christopher Villiers), and his daughter Savannah (Emilia Clarke, yes the girl from 'Game of Thrones') safe.

First things first, these effects are horrible. They really are. At best they look like Morph. I mean, look at this:

Even the cow looks fake. In fact I'm pretty sure that's why the T-Rex kills it, it was going "Alright, I'ma gonna eat this human and...(MOOOO!) OHMYGOD A CGI COW! *Chomp!*". Hell now that I think about it 'The Dinosaur Project' had better effects!

Actually I have a few more complaints about these fossils. Firstly, how is the Pteranodon flying? I wouldn't have a problem if the dinosaurs had skin, but they don't, which means that the Pteranodon literally has nothing to give it lift. It's the equivalent of me flapping my arms trying to fly. Secondly, how are these dinosaurs roaring? They have no throat muscles! Then again I think being terrorised by mute dinosaurs will be less effective than roaring dinosaurs. Though I will say seeing the T-Rex attempt to eat someone, only to see the guy fall through the T-Rex's jaw (Because it doesn't have skin) was a nice little touch.

Before I go into anything else, there is one major problem with this film. The characters. Most of them anyway. I'll first go over the two characters I liked in this. Jake shows that he cares a lot about the people around him, and is willing to put his life on the line to save those close to him. Richmond, is British. He is therefore suppose to be a bad guy and it is his plan to expand the university. The only problem with this is he is actually in the right, he does have a human side to him, when the dinosaurs attack and everyone finds shelter he does think about protecting the guests. In fact the main reason why we're suppose to hate is, again, because he bought out the native American Indians land. The thing is he did it LEGALLY. He offered them a sum, they accepted it, the signed the papers, they CASHED the money, and THEN decided to protest. They don't get my sympathy. Oh, and then Wyatt (Gabriel Womack) pops the Hell out of nowhere and decides he wants to be a main character. He's okay.

And then we have the characters who I truly hate in this. Let's have Dakota first. He summoned the dinosaurs, okay, he did NOT do it by accident. I'll explain, you see, he did a ritual to summon "the protector", but for some reason summoned three dinosaur spirits, put them into fossils, "lost control", and they are now running amok. Seriously, how do you read your own God damn book wrong? In fact, he says he "lost control" which means he did choose dinosaur spirits! And how exactly does bringing dinosaurs to life save your museum? Even if you did have them under control? "Don't expand your university! Or I'll...have this T-Rex nudge you a little"? It makes YOU the bad guy! Oh and even worse, he later uses a metaphor, something along the lines of "once the storm has passed, everything will be greener", which means the three fossils going around killing people who had no connection to the construction of the university is a good thing, Dakota I fucking hate you. Oh and since this is movie logic, Dakota isn't arrested for the manslaughter of tens of people.

Second character, Savannah. The hatred truly starts when her father takes her from a party. She basically gives the impression that Jake is overprotective, even though, once again, he is in the right. Seriously, "If you're lucky enough I'll show you my tepee"? Did you really think that guy was interested in you besides sex? Oh and saying you didn't smoke pot that much, even if you were joking, isn't funny when you're saying that to A: your father, and B: THE SHERIFF! From that point on Savannah is irritating and comes off as a brat than anything else.

Third character I hate, Emma. I have no idea what her job is but apparently she's paid to believe that dinosaurs are roaming around. Yes, she's right, but why would that be your first thought? She sees the footprint of the T-Rex and DOESN'T think it's a hoax? She says that the thing that caused it had to be over 30 feet tall, apparently someone couldn't just make a fake foot out of wood and do it, oh no, it has to be a real dinosaur. Not only that, but, like Savannah, she always thinks she's in the right, everything anyone else, mainly Jake, says is wrong. Again, she comes off as irritating and annoying. And do you know what's worse? She uses Richmond's, her boyfriend, feelings for her to do what she wants, but it's so obvious that she will go back to Jake. Bitch. Although she does have a conversation with Jake which makes him say "So what are you saying? Dakota, my uncle, can conjure up some kind of ancient spirit?", well when you say it like that the plot sounds fucking stupid.

Any other character is bland and forgetful. The thing is, the film is forcing us to try and side with these characters, and that's why the film fails. How can we like these obnoxious, these arrogant, these (At times) selfish characters, who don't think about the consequences of their actions? If they had sorted this out, then this film could have been enjoyable. Oh it still would have been bad, but at least it could have been entertaining.

Do I need to go over the acting after that? Okay fine, some of the cast did the best they could with the script, Womack, Villiers and Clarke for one. But the rest were really off at times. Mitchell failed to emote at all during the film and Brand, I want to say was good, but...he was adequate, I'll say that. Any supporting characters really couldn't care less.

Like I said , it could have been enjoyable. But the main portion of the characters really let this film down. You cannot enjoy a film when you're forced to follow characters you don't like. Everything else is what you'd expect, it's just these infuriating, irritating, and damn right unlikable characters which really drag the film down. There is one redeeming feature though; see spoiler section.





Spoiler Section

There is a downside first of all. In the film, the main characters already saw that they can't simply smash the dinosaurs to pieces; Jake runs down the Raptor with his car and it just puts itself together. So why he thinks blowing them up with rocket launchers will work is beyond me. And sure enough, it doesn't. Seriously, he knew this, why did he think it would work? And why did the Tyrannosaurus Rex and the Pteranodon just stand there and wait to be blown up? Anyway, as I said this doesn't work as the T-Rex and the Pteranodon just put themselves back together. Well, sort of. They don't exactly put themselves back together, they become one entity. Yeah. And guess what that creates...a flying Tyrannosaurus Rex:

 

Awesome.

The Lost Coast Tapes (2012)

Back to the found footage films now, and this time it isn't set in an asylum! It's a Christmas miracle! But hey, not only that, but this film doesn't concern ghosts or spirits or demons at all!

Here we find a television crew going into the woods to investigate whether or not Bigfoot exists...oh God damn it! It's effectively Grave Encounters/The Paranormal Incident/Episode 50, but outside! And just replace ghosts with mythical creatures! *Sighs* Okay, let's get on with it.

I suppose looking back at it, okay fine it's the same bloody plot as the last three found footage films I've gone over, though the different surrounding makes a nice change. It certainly plays more like I expected 'Episode 50' to be, as a...making of a television show. There's a few blips, like why spend so much money on proving Bigfoot is a hoax when even the start of the film states that the popular belief is that Bigfoot IS a hoax. Hell, I can do the same thing for free, and in four words. Look; Bigfoot is a hoax. Ta da. Heck, the film even messes up the non-working phones cliche, since Drybeck (Frank Ashmore) says he'll take possession of the crews phones because they won't have signal out in the wilderness. Soooo, why would they have to give you their phones?

I suppose one of the things that drives this film are the characters, as they aren't as bad as you'd expect. Apart from Drybeck being the "expert" and Sean (Drew Rausch) only caring about ratings (Though in all fairness he does care when the extreme happens), the others feel like proper people, you don't feel that they're...fake should I say, they're don't feel like one dimensional characters. Though Kevin's (Noah Weisberg) constant moaning does get on your nerves and it does seem weird that Sean wants to do a television show that debunks myths and the supernatural, and yet a member of his crew, Robyn (Ashley Wood), makes herself out as a psychic. Is Sean saying that Bigfoot is a hoax but psychic

It's not only the characters though, the film is actually quite...creepyish. You see, most found footage films have the person react to...whatever appears, at which point the camera shakes uncontrollably and we the viewer can't see what's going on. This film doesn't do that. Instead, most of the time the person holding the camera does NOT react, it's almost like they're looking in another direction. But it's not like 'Sinister' where (the kids run around in slow motion behind the viewer so) the threat is unknown, since the characters are aware of what is going on, since there are noises and thuds against the cabin towards the start. The threat IS there, but it's more what you see than what actually happens, in a weird way. But since there aren't really any loud noises or anything, then you are generally keeping an eye out for anything that you might miss. In fact I watched this for a second time since the last time I watched this was several days ago and I needed a reminder, and I did notice stuff I missed the first time.

The acting isn't that bad either. In fact I'd say it was really good, which is surprising because I really didn't expect anything great. It's weird, everyone appears to slot into their characters with no problem, they put life into their persona.Even the minor characters at the start who refused to come on the trip (Citing they're black. They apparently knew they were in a horror film) made the most of their screen time.

In all honesty though, this isn't the best film ever, and I think that's mainly down to the flow of the plot. The...main portion (Should I say) of the film doesn't happen for a large part of the runtime, I think we get into the final forty minutes when it does start to go into the plot, but it sort of does "small bit of something happening, now rest" a fair few times, and then it goes into the climax of the film. It just seems a bit broken up. I guess I can admire the film for taking a different approach, but the execution doesn't quite reach the mark. That and the ending just raises so many questions. See Spoiler Section.

In all honesty, this is a pretty good flick. The characters are well thought out, the acting is far better than you'd expect it to be, the effects (For a shoestring budget, at least I assume it's a shoestring budget I can't seem to find any information regarding it) are very well used, and it does make you watch it for anything you might miss. It's certainly one to give a try, but don't expect it to be a brilliant film. It's more...meh.




Before you get to the spoiler section, here's another spot of advertising! Yes I've been asked to post a link to the 'Dead by Midnight Apparel ltd' Facebook page. And no, I won't be reviewing clothing. Though I'm not sure why you'd want to say your clothing will kill you by midnight, but that's beside the point. It's just starting up but the designs for their shirts are truly remarkable. Or rather the two designs they have are remarkable but I'm sure there'll be more. I might get the...dragon skull thingy bob one, I do like the looks of that one. I do know Rebecca Sturdgess (Yes the writer of The Burnwick Series) will be doing a design and she is a remarkable artist. In fact, just for her I'll post the link for her Rainy Day Studios Facebook page. There you'll see some fantastic pieces of work, and she does do commissions so send her a message and see what she can do. She is working on the Burnwick series though, so see what she says.

So yes, here's the link for Death by Midnight Apparel

http://www.facebook.com/DeadByMidnightApparel

And Rainy Day Studios
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Rainy-Day-Studios/140320512749877

Now, onto the spoiler section!

Spoiler Section

The ending is the weakest part of this film. It tries to inject something new and surprising, but it comes off as a weird mess. Basically, the cast stumble onto the set for 'The Cabin in the Woods', as we get Bigfoot, invisible enemies, or foes with telekinesis, aliens and what I believe is a minotaur. The film does lead up to this, with Drybeck mentioning a theory that sasquatch have the ability to walk between realms and are protectors, with Robyn saying that she believes Bigfoot was carrying her away to protect her. The sasquatch did a very bad job at it. It was kind of interesting, but it raises so many questions; why didn't Drybeck encounter them before? Why are all these things here? Why didn't Bigfoot do anything? What attacked LaRoche (Rowdy Kelley)? Both times? Why does Robyn keep turning up at different parts of the cabin/s? Why did Drybeck hide a sasquatch corpse in a cave? How did he manage to drag it and a box all the way there? What the Devil is going on?

Maybe it was a prelude to 'The Cabin in the Woods'.