Top 10 Worst Films of 2011

And now it’s time for my top ten worst films of 2011. Okay, for the first five it really is just bad luck for them since I didn’t find them bad, they were just unlucky because I haven’t seen worse films. Maybe if I saw films like ‘The Smurfs’ or ‘Alvin and the Chipmunks 3: Chipwrecked’, well I say maybe it would’ve pushed two of the films out of the list.

But I didn’t, so let’s get started!

10. Johnny English: Reborn

Again, it’s quite unlucky for this film to be on the top ten worst films of 2011, but it’s just I saw better films. I certainly didn’t really want to put this film on here, but out of all the films I saw come out this year, this was one of the blandest.

Like the ‘Sherlock Holmes’ films from Guy Ritchie, I don’t really love or hate the ‘Johnny English’ films, they’re just a bit bland. There are some funny moments, but nothing majorly funny.

It was just unlucky that I didn’t go see a film like ‘Twilight: Breaking Dawn part 1’...or is that lucky? I don’t know. This film is in here only because I had to fill the quota.

9. Contagion

The weakness to this film is the plot, or rather the way they address the plot. The multiple stories was just confusing and hard to follow. That and most of the actors didn’t really feel like doing a good job.

And worst of all, Jude Law’s character. I suppose in a way it was a good thing because we’re suppose to hate him, but he was so infuriating and he had a pointless tooth deformity which didn’t come up unless you had close ups of his mouth.

But, again, it was still a powerful film which was why it was made.

8. New Year’s Eve

Yeah I’m surprised this ended up at number eight too. The review for this was three posts ago so you can see my feelings from that. But a quick summary, like Contagion this film had too many plots, and so the flow of the film kept being broken up. There was even a point in the cinema where I just said out loud, without thinking, “Resolve a plot point!”...and people in the cinema agreed.

But, for some bizarre reason I still enjoyed it. I wanted things to work out for these people and me and my friend decided to go to New York next year for New Year’s to see the ball drop. Whether it will happen, I don’t know, but the film was pretty adequate.

7. Battle: Los Angeles

Okay, where should I start? Aliens come to Earth, and they’re not friendly. They attack, destroying cities and Los Angeles is about to fall, but for some reason the US Army CANNOT allow Los Angeles to fall. Have you noticed how everything seems to happen in Los Angeles?

Some pretty awful acting, some pretty lousy and cliché characters and the screenplay could’ve been better. But I still liked it. I suppose it’s because, again, I like big climatic battles and that’s what this film is, one huge battle. It could’ve been shorter though.

6. Season of the Witch

Nicholas Cage, why did you do this film? The plot is okay, but everything else was just terrible. The acting wasn’t as good as it could’ve been, the effects were bad, and the characters were forgettable. I can only remember Nicholas Cage and Ron Perlman...and that’s only because they were our main characters and big names.

But I could’ve forgiven the film for that, if it wasn’t such a bore. You’d think for a film where a woman is possessed by demons or something would be at least entertaining. But no, this film is bland and forgettable. It’s not really unlucky that I haven’t seen any worse films, it’s unlucky because it could have been so much better.

5. Rise of the Planet of the Apes

The title of the film was a lie. There was no rise! I suppose it’s the start of the rise, but it would’ve been good to at least see the apes take over one city maybe, rather than disappear into the forest with apes from the zoo for some reason also being smart.

Apart from that the characters were forgettable and the acting was bad. Everyone was just half-arsed and couldn’t be bothered with what they were doing. Except Andy Serkis. In the film’s defence the effects were great, but not enough to save the film.

4. The Roommate

Oh my God this film! The unofficial remake of ‘Single White Female’ only had one good feature, but I’ll get back to that in a minute. The acting overall is awful! Terribly, terribly awful! Especially the lead female (the good one), where she was just extremely bland and annoying.

The only good thing was Leighton Meester, who was brilliant as the villain. No matter what people’s opinions on the movie were, whether they hated it or...for some reason loved it, they all say that Meester was perfect as the villain Rebecca.

But the plot overall was just a rip off. And there was one point where the villain and the...main character meet a previous victim of Rebecca’s stalking, does she warn main character about her? Hell no!

And it has a really stupid ending, you’d think Rebecca’s still alive, but nope. Main character and boyfriend move a bed out of a room. Thanks for such a pointless ending!

3. Mega Python vs. Gatoroid

In defence, the Asylum normally creates such films because they know people will buy them; they know the market is out there. And I do like Debbie Gibson, I think she’s actually a pretty good actress. Can’t say the same for everyone else though.

The plot is quite awful though. Hippies (led by Gibson) break out an unknown species of snakes and release them into a swamp, before criticising the ranger (Tiffany) for interefering with nature. You introduced an unknown species to a new environment you moron! You’ve already disrupted the balance of nature! And Tiffany’s response to the chaotic snakes? Make huge alligators of course!

The effects, acting, plot and dialogue are awful, but they are pretty standard for an Asylum production.

2. Sucker Punch

This is a marmite film, you either love it or hate it. I hate it. I thought the acting was awful, the effects were really fake and the plot was just awful. It did just seem like nearly two hours of nothing happening.

The only good bit I really enjoyed was one of the giant shogun warriors towards the start kicking...(checks IMDB) Babydoll (Emily Browning) in the face. In fact, why did half the cast have stupid names? Why was the brunette called Blondie? Why was Babydoll called Babydoll? Why was Sweat Pea called Sweat Pea? Why did it look like Vanessa Hudgens had a bigger part then she actually did? You get the picture.

I just thought it was an awful film, but what film can be worst than this, the Asylum’s contender, and the Single White ripoff?

1. The Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence

Oh yeah! This Goddamn film! Why did the BBFC (the British Board of Film Certification to those who don’t know) allow this film to be released, when they said no amount of cuts would be sufficient?

The film, set in the UK, which I’m pretty sure is just a coincidence, looks at a big fat guy having an obsession over The Human Centipede. That’s right, the first film. I thought that was actually a pretty good thing to do, but that’s where it ends.

The acting is awful, the plot is crap, the effects are just stupid (there’s a point where someone shits over the camera, a metaphor from the film I’m sure, saying “Hey audience! Take this!”). Tom Six, there is a difference between a film not being real, and “What the Fu*k is wrong with you?”. I feel dirty just for watching it.

You know what, there’s so much stuff I want to talk about in this film, so I’m going to do a review on it. Crap that means I have to do the first one. Just take my word for now, or go see Phelous’ reviews.

And there’s my top ten worst films of 2011, sorry if it felt rushed but I didn’t have time as I need to go sort stuff out for tonight. At least you have the Human Centipede films to look forward to!

Happy New Year people! See you in 2012.

Top 10 Films of 2011

Now that we have seen the list of films I’ve regretted missing this year, so now it’s time to go onto the films I thought were the best this year. Yeah, I’m leaving the worse films list till last, you know, leaving the best till last. Wait, that doesn’t make sense...

Anyway, here are the top ten films of 2011, the ones which I really enjoyed.

10. Cowboys & Aliens

It’s James Bond joining forces with Han Solo/Indiana Jones, what’s not to love? Based on the comics by the same name, Daniel Craig wakes up with no memory and a weird metal device on his arm. He finds himself in trouble with Dolarhyde (Harrison Ford), but they have to put their differences aside when aliens destroy the town and take a majority of the population away.

It blends two great genres, the old West and the futuristic sci-fi, perfectly, especially where the cowboys are outmatched by the technologically advanced alien menace. Craig and Ford are great, with Ford giving us one of his best performances to date. Olivia Wilde, she was alright, but she could’ve been better. She does get naked though, that’s a bonus.

The effects were great as well, with the only exception being the aliens which didn’t look real. And of course we have that scene in which, in order to restore Craig’s memories, the Indian Chief knows.......Jedi mind tricks.......he knows plot convenience. And the aliens are planning to harvest the planet for gold. Gold. 1. They’re the Psychlos from ‘Battlefield Earth’. 2. Since the gold goes straight to the alien ship’s power core, or the engine room at least, why would you design a ship that is solely dependent on what, even Wilde character says, is the rarest metal ever!

But despite that, the effects are great, the acting is brilliant, the plot is good, the characters are interesting and likeable, it’s a very enjoyable film.

9. Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Yes, I like the live action Transformers films. Heck, I like Michael Bay films. But even I didn’t like ‘Revenge of the Fallen’, so I was looking forward to a much better film. And I got it.

I don’t want to say too much, because I plan on doing a review on the Transformers films, but it was mainly the special effects, probably the best 3D effects I have ever seen for a film, and I do absolutely love huge climatic battles, which is what the Transformer films are best known for (though I do have a huge problem with them as well). And no Mudflap or Skids! Hallelujah!

Again I don’t want to say much for now, but believe me, it is probably the best one in the franchise.

8. Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

Well I’ve just done the review for this film just last week, so I should think that my feelings for this film are still fresh in your mind. Or you could just go back and look at the review again, I suppose.

But I am basically giving a quick summary of these films. This film was a definite improvement on the first Guy Ritchie film. This sequel had great acting, some great villains in the form of Professor Moriarty and Sebastian Moran, and some decent effects which I thought were much better than those in the first film.

Really the only major fault I found was Noomi Rapace, I felt she wasn’t really up to scratch. There were the other little faults I had which I put in the review, but I forgot to mention Rapace.

Anyway, the many pros outweigh the few cons, and one of the last few films I will have watched this year (I might be able to sneak another one in), and a really good way to end the year.

7. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

Well there shouldn’t have been any doubt that the boy wizard and his final outing would turn up on this list. It is the best film of the franchise after all. And it has Emma Watson in it.

Granted I personally didn’t think much of the first part, it was good don’t get me wrong, but I preferred some of the other films to it. Anyway we get our big climatic battle between Hogwarts and the Death Eaters, and no-one is spared; kids die, adults die, loved ones die, evil people die. The students dying was actually a really good touch, it showed how dark the films, and subsequently the novels, have become.

Featuring the best of British talent, the acting is sublime, the effects are great and the story is awesome. I did feel that they could’ve handled Snape’s death scene better, but it was still emotional.

And it has Emma Watson.

6. Troll Hunter

By God I enjoyed this film, and it’s a good thing too as I had been looking forward to it the second I heard about its existence. A Norwegian film where a group of students follow a Troll Hunter round the country? It already sounds awesome!

The acting is brilliant, the storyline is great, and it has some of the best special effects I have ever seen. The trolls look so real, it’s CGI at perfection. The style of the film works really well too, I do like docudramas and this one played the story perfectly.

Now we just have to wait for Hollywood to screw it all up with their remake.

5. The Thing

Now just in case you’ve forgotten, I hate remakes. So it’s a good thing this is a prequel, I hate those slightly less. But this one was a surprise, it followed the original story closely so we’re familiar with it, but they’ve changed it enough so that it’s its own story.

Mary Elizabeth Winstead is always a pleasure, she’s a really good actress and so were all the other cast members. You know how I felt about the special effects, but everything else made up for it. I should think it’s the best horror film this year, at least one of the best horror films of the modern day, if not the best.

4. The King’s Speech

It’s a great British film, no question about it. It’s one that will entertain audiences all over the world, while also making the British people feel proud of their heritage.

It’s a great story of how an individual, the man who would become the King of the United Kingdom no less, with help from a speech therapist, overcomes his lisp in order to motivate his country in a time of war.

The acting is the key thing in this film, and it is superb. Even people who don’t like the film agree that the acting is magnificent. Maybe it should be higher on the list in all fairness, because this was one brilliant film.

3. Super 8

The modern day E.T., if E.T. was a blood thirsty killer. Oh yeah, the alien eats people in this film. The main characters are kids though and it does follow the same line as E.T., so I do really think this can be the alien film for kids.

And, in case you’ve also forgotten this, I hate child actors. But the kid actors in this were brilliant, in fact, I think they were better than the adult actors. The effects were really good and they hid the monster until the last scene I think, which was really good because the monster looked stupid. As they normally do.

But brilliant acting, great tension within a fantastic story, and excellent effects make this film magnificent.

2. The Inbetweeners Movie

It was close as to who would take the number one spot as I liked both films very much. In the end I decided that the Inbetweeners will take the number two spot.

I mean, this has to be the most hilarious film of the year, I haven’t heard anyone say anything bad about this film. The acting is great and the plot is terrific; anything that could go wrong goes wrong. There are moments which make you want to look away, but you can’t seem to help but look.

If you haven’t seen this, what the Hell is wrong with you?

1. X-Men: First Class

This, film, is, awesome!

This prequel, which came out after a prequel, sees Charles Xavier and Erik Lensherr, a.k.a. Professor X and Magneto, meet for the first time, and then go on to recruit other mutants to take on Sebastian Shaw and his group of mutants.

The acting is brilliant, I don’t think there was a single flaw. Then again Spoony really hated January Jones, but I suppose I’m one of those people who didn’t see a problem. Kevin Bacon did a brilliant job as Sebastian Shaw, I think he was probably the best villain this year.

The effects were great, no problem with the dialogue, the story is fantastic, the acting is perfect, I don’t think there’s any flaw at all in this. The only point I think I should raise is that I believe that this is a reboot, since there are serious continuity disconnections in relation to the other films, like Magneto and X didn’t design Cerebro, Hank did. Hank was human in ‘X2’, but he turns into Beast in this film, and I don’t have a problem with that.

I should probably do a review on this film because there is a lot I want to say, but I can’t otherwise this section would be ten times longer than the other sections.

So there we are, my top ten films of this year. Coming up next is the top ten worst films of 2011, and by did I see some God awful films, one in particular. What is it? Wait till tomorrow to find out.

Top 10 2011 Films I Wanted To See But Didn't

And so, with the end of the year upon us, it’s time to reflect on the films of the past year. The ones that are new and came out this year I mean, not every single review I did. Especially since I started in August.

Now, I’m going to do three segments to this; the films that I enjoyed, the films that I didn’t like, and the films which I wanted to see but didn’t. So we will now start off with the films which I didn’t see for whatever reason, but which I wanted to and the reasons why I wanted to see them.

Why am I doing this sort of list? Well, it’s mainly because I didn’t see enough films to do a top ten mediocre list. So, let’s get started.

10. A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas

Okay, you all know what I’m like with trying to do video reviews. My video review for ‘Song of the Dead’ back in November just didn’t happen and I was planning a four-part video review story arc which would end with a review on ‘A Harold & Kumar Christmas’, which I was surprised that it happened because I thought Kal Penn, who plays Kumar, retired from acting to go work for President Obama. That was why he was killed off in the television series ‘House’.

But after doing some extensive research (i.e. five seconds on Wikipedia), since he had made some commitments before his employment to the White House, he temporarily left to do these roles, which included this film. So, why didn’t he stick with ‘House’ for the time being? Wait, television show verses working for the President...okay, I can see why.

But the reason why I didn’t see this was simply because I couldn’t find anyone to go with. Granted, I’ll admit, I have gone to see some films by myself. But for a comedy film like this, it is better to see to with someone else.

I’ll admit though, I didn’t really want to see this. I did enjoy the film before this, ‘Harold & Kumar go to Guantanamo Bay’, it was a prison to those who are too young to remember, but as I got older I started to dislike roles which basically promote drug usage. Okay, it’s not meant to promote, but films like these, and ‘Knocked Up’, we see people and Seth Rogan constantly use drugs without any real consequence. In ‘Knocked Up’s defence it did show Rogan give up the drugs to establish a good, honest life, and ‘Pineapple Express’ showed that if you do drugs, criminal gangs will hunt you down.

Back to this film, I wanted to see it to do a Christmas review because it was very likely I would’ve hated it.

9. Drive Angry

There’s only one reason why I wanted to see this; Nicholas Cage. That man is one of my favourite actors, oh yes. I first saw him in ‘Gone in Sixty Seconds’ and, while the film isn’t the best, I really enjoyed it, especially because of Cage. And he continued to entertain me in other films like ‘Leaving Las Vegas’, ‘The Rock’ and ‘National Treasure’.

So why didn’t I see this one? Because...it just didn’t happen. Sure there were other reasons like university work and other people not wanting to see it, but I just didn’t see the appeal. I hardly saw any advertisement besides bus posters and what I did hear wasn’t good.

I did see though that the Cinema Snob listed this as one of his favourite films this year, so now I feel I missed out. And Nicholas Cage breaks out of Hell, saying a big “screw you” to Lucifer. Hopefully I’ll see it soon.

8. Attack the Block

This film looked awesome. Aliens invade London and a group of people, including the hilarious Nick Frost, team up to take them on. The effects looked great, the story appeared good, it looked like it could be funny, the acting seemed excellent for the characters.

The problem which put me off? The characters! They looked like chavs and acted like them, so I had the feeling that I was never going to like them. And if I wasn’t going to like any of the characters, how was I going to like the film? Even in the trailer I found the Dappy looking one annoying as Hell. Granted, I should’ve given them a chance, but there was one other reason.

And, again, university took priority. With my exams literally round the corner, I had to focus on that, rather than go off watching films. But yeah, exams and character dislike, that’s what put me off.

7. The Green Hornet

A film with Seth Rogan where, for once, he isn’t smoking pot. In fact, he redeems himself quickly in this film, he starts off as a slacker before becoming a superhero. There’s a good start. Then I find out Cameron Diaz is in it. That’s bad.

Yes, I am not a fan of hers. Once in a blue moon I might find her okay in something, like ‘The Mask’ or ‘Gangs of New York’, but I think she is one of the worst actresses ever. I think she’s overrated, awful and should be avoided at all times. Take a look at ‘The Box’ and the ‘Charlie’s Angels’ films if you don’t believe me.

But apart from that, again, it just didn’t happen. It was “Oh yeah, I want to see that, but not tonight, maybe tomorrow night,”, and repeat. I really did want to see this, but I just kept putting it off until I forgot it existed. A bit of a lousy excuse, but there you go.

6. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Ah yes, the big American/UK...ish remake of the Swedish film which came out two years prior. It seemed to have been a bit of a “screw you, we can do better” message, the same which happened to ‘REC’ when the Americans remade that only a year later, with terrible results.

Though, from what I hear, this one has received universal praise. So this film has ignored the cardinal remake rule; this remake must suck. It actually has Rooney Mara as the title character, who was the only acting talent from the ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’ remake that I actually liked.

But I haven’t seen this film for one reason; I’m tired. Yeah, my working hours, my sleep pattern, Christmas, I just didn’t have time. But I’ll have to see it soon, maybe in January, expect a review.

5. Red State

Three teens ‘borrow’ a car to meet up with a woman who invited them for sex, but they’re instead held hostage by a group of religious fanatics who...plan to do something, I don’t know, I haven’t seen the film.

And why? Because no cinema near me was showing it! The odeon at Kettering, the vue in Northampton, the cineworld at Sixfields, none of them were showing it! The closest was Milton Keynes, which is a 40 mile trip to and from there, and Birmingham, which I’m not going to go all the way to just for a film.

4. We Need to Talk About Kevin

I first heard from my stepdad about this film, because he found the same problem as ‘Red State’, that he couldn’t find any cinema playing it. Which is a shame because the concept sounds brilliant.

We follow the mother of a teen who went on to commit a massacre, including killing his father and sister. What made this film so interesting was that it deals with the aftermath of the mother, how she has to deal with being the mother of a killer, how she has to suffer for her son’s heinous crimes. Which, even in real life, people tend not to think about. The pain and suffering any family member of a killer has to go through, to think that the person they loved committed such a heinous act.

And once again, no cinema near me was showing this.

3. 127 Hours

So let’s see, we have James Franco, who I loved since seeing him in the ‘Spiderman’ films (yes, even the third one) and directed by Danny Boyle who also worked on ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ and ’28 Days Later’, what’s not to love?

We follow the tale of real life mountaineer Aron Ralston, who was forced to amputate his arm off in order to free himself from a boulder which pinned him in a narrow passage, after having spent 127 hours down there.

Like ‘The Green Hornet’ though, I just didn’t end up seeing it, I don’t really know why, it’s a fascinating story. I suppose it was because no-one else wanted to see it, probably put off by the self-afflicting amputation.

2. Black Swan

What looked like a drama flick which I wouldn’t like, soon turned into something more interesting when we see the main character slowly go insane, the film takes a darker tone and draws you into the crumbling world of the White Swan.

The film itself stars the perfect Natalie Portman, the beautiful Mila Kunis, and directed by the master Darren Aronofsky who had previously worked on ‘Pi’, ‘The Wrestler’ and ‘Requiem for a Dream’.

But why didn’t I watch it? I don’t really know. I knew people who wanted to see it, it was on at a nearby cinema, I had free time, but it just didn’t happen. Which really is a tragedy because I really wanted to see it.

And it’s not because Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis make out. No. Not at all.

Not...at...all.

1. Melancholia

And finally ‘Melancholia’, a film which saw Kirsten Dunst return to the big screen since.........Spiderman 3? Yeah, I think so. ‘Melancholia’ focuses on the relationship of two sisters as a rogue planet is set to collide with the Earth, which would, obviously, result in the death of everyone on the planet.

This was a film considered so good, that the director, Lars von Trier, hoped that there were actually some flaws. Trier thought about this whilst suffering from depression and, from what I’ve heard, you can really see that in the film.

And like ‘We Need to Talk About Kevin’ and ‘Red State’, this film was not shown anywhere near me. Why were films this year mean to me? It happened with ‘Troll Hunter’ as well and I was fortunate enough to see that. ‘Melancholia’ and ‘Red State’ were on my film schedule for September, and it didn’t happen, I was really annoyed that happened.

And those were the films that I wish I had seen this year, some of them are out now on DVD, some are coming out soon and one or two are still in the cinemas so hopefully I’ll get round to them.

But now that I’ve got those out the way, I can get down to the two lists which everyone wants. Coming next, my top ten best films of 2011.